


You Don't See Me, Do You?

by InvictusO_o



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Angst, Brief Becho, But mostly angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Foreplay, Implied Sexual Content, Jealous Bellamy, Jealous Clarke, Let the Fluff Begin, Mild Language, Mild Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining Bellamy Blake, Pining Clarke Griffin, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Some Attempt at Humor, Some Fluff, brief clexa, so much pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2019-11-05 00:38:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 31,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17908745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvictusO_o/pseuds/InvictusO_o
Summary: Clarke and Bellamy are best friends - Clarke falls for Bellamy, real hard - But he doesn't catch her.Endgame - Bellarke.





	1. Present

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic in this fandom.  
> Speaking of which -  
> DISCLAIMER - I don't own anything related to The 100.

The droplets of rain covered her tears from the passersby; and yet the mere look of morose on her face made them look her way, concerned.

Clarke Griffin walked trying to ignore as many people as she could as she made her way back to her apartment. Every step she took heavier than the last. As though even her body knew that she was walking in the wrong direction.

Shaking her head out of its stupor, she brought on what she thought was a poker face and determinedly walked the rest of her way.

As she entered her place, turning the lights on, shedding her drenched coat and kicking her shoes off, she took a look around her apartment. The remnants from the last time she’d been there staring back at her, reminding her of the very thing she was trying to forget. The Rubik’s cube on the coffee table, the spicy roasted mushroom on the stove; stale by now, as the stench somewhat spread from the kitchen into the living room, a used towel on the chair of the dining table and the most obvious evidence of a specific someone’s absence that she was painfully aware of – a copy of _The Iliad_.    

By now, Clarke was stupendously failing to keep her tears at bay. Her face twisted almost as much as her heart, she let go of all her emotions and dropped back against the door, sobbing uncontrollably. Her body going limp and then slowly moving down, she sat on the floor, her face in her hands as she let herself fall apart only for the second time in the past week.

The apartment was freezing, she noted.

 _The radiator had_   _probably broken down again._

And yet somehow, despite being drenched under the merciless showers outside and now being in the cold environment of her apartment inside, the foul smell in the air, and probably a million other things that needed her attention, she couldn’t bring herself to care about any of them. Only the sound of her reduced sobs flowed through the house.

All because her pain was so overwhelming.

 _He doesn’t feel the same way._ Her mind supplied uselessly yet again. She didn’t need to be reminded, thank you very much.

At that thought, she once again went back to square one – pain renewed as though it happened only yesterday.

All the while, only one thought running through her mind

_If only I’d kept quiet._


	2. How It All Began

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lengthy explanation of Clarke's family.  
> Bellamy and Clarke meet.  
> Doesn't go all that well.

_6 Years Ago_

An 18 year old Clarke Griffin sat on the grass at her university while she sketched. For a change the sun had decided to pay them a visit despite the monsoon season. Sitting under the soft rays of the sun, her golden hair shone, almost hitting someone in the eye; painful yet breathtaking. She’d removed her sandals and made herself completely comfortable on the ground.

Wearing a brown handkerchief skirt with white flowers on them and a plain white flutter top, she was immersed completely in the picture that she was piecing together. The broad face, chiseled jaw, and light eyes like hers were some of the things she could already picture. Thinking about it brought a smile to her face. The man who in her opinion was the most amazing man she’d ever known. Her dad.

Okay, maybe she was biased, but Jake Griffin was everything to her.

Having said that didn’t mean that her relationship with her mother was sour. It was far from that, in fact. But Abby Griffin was a hardworking surgeon with crazy working hours.

 

After Jake and Abby had had Clarke, it was becoming incredibly difficult for them to juggle between their jobs of being an editor at a newspaper and a surgeon. Seeing that it was causing them to have little to no time with their daughter and having  _passionately_ disagree that they didn’t want to be the type of parents who had a nanny, Jake decided to take the back seat and take care of Clarke while Abby continued to work.

The fact that Jake loved to work wasn’t something Abby was unaware of (She was his wife, come on). So, keeping in mind their daughter, her needs, and yet somehow creating a way for her husband to be able to work, Abby bought Jake an art gallery.

_I wish I could draw or paint or something, Abby._ He’d always told her.

While a painter, he was not, Jake had an amazing eye for art. So much so that he designed their house after they’d gotten married.

He was stoked to be back to working, and that too with art?! He really loved his wife.

Having an art gallery wasn’t easy either, but it was manageable. He’d simply take Clarke with him and tell her stories about the number of artists he admired and art he was mesmerized with. She always looked at him with her big blue eyes, her whole hand in her mouth and looking every bit a drool-y 8 month old and yet somehow managing to make him feel as though she understood.

And oh boy, did she.

Right from an early age, Clarke had displayed an interest in art more than anything. What started as a childish inkling toward art through colored walls of her house, to her very first sketch book to first oil pastels to acrylic – Clarke mastered painting, sketching as though her hands were made for it.

This didn’t mean that she was talent-less everywhere else. She was a bibliophile – Sci-Fi fascinated her. “I can never think of things like that, Daddy,” she told her dad when she’d successfully convinced him to buy her a copy of _The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy_. If nothing else, she had a newfound respect for towels after she was done reading it.

She was also known to have a little bit of her mother in her intellect as she caught on medical things way faster than others of her age. Her mother liked telling her all things related to medicine and Clarke liked to listen. The only cause for her reluctance was the invisible weight she’d feel on her shoulders whenever she and Jake would go to the hospital to simply pay Abby a visit or to pick her up.

_Your mom saved a life today._

_She’s so amazing at what she does._

_You know, you’d make an amazing doctor one day too._

Hearing these from people she barely even knew always put Clarke off. Not that she didn’t like medicine, she did. She just didn’t like the expectations that came attached to her last name.

_You don’t have to do what you don’t want to._ Her mother had told her. It was then that she felt the weight leave her chest.

She also knew how to play the piano, albeit poorly, and also had a knack for cooking. Cooking was somewhat of a thing she shared with her dad. Cooking for Abby with him and having a meal once she got back home was the safest and at home Clarke had ever felt.

Tragedy struck the Griffins when one day while cooking, Jake collapsed all of a sudden. Abby had made it home in time to instruct Clarke to call 911 in a frantic way while she quickly dropped next to her unconscious husband and started doing chest compression.

The paramedics were too late.

Abby was too late.

Clarke was fifteen years old when Jake Griffin left them forever.

 

Snapping back to the present, Clarke realized that the sheet on which she was drawing her father was almost flying with the light breeze, her skirt the only thing keeping it from doing so.

Keeping a firm hand on the paper, her thoughts strayed to her mother.

 

She’d grown a little distant from Clarke after Jake’s passing. Knowing how to tackle problems only with rationality, she’d lost herself because even she didn’t have the answer to the question life had placed in front of her – how does one heal a broken heart?

While Clarke knew nothing on how to console her mother, she still went on with things that made her feel connected to her father. She spoke less – loss of a parent could do that someone. But she painted more. She played the piano more. Since Abby was losing herself day by day, cleaning the house became one of her "every other day" chores. It was the last straw for Abby when she came home one night and found Clarke cooking in the kitchen. Her heart twisting in her chest as the Jake being gone was now painfully obvious, she moved closer only to see Clarke have a faraway look in her eyes and teardrops dangling at her lashes. Seeing her child in such pain and yet finding a way to keep herself together all brought back the multitude of emotions she hadn’t let herself feel.

Clarke broke out of her haze in time to see her mother’s knees give out. She caught her in time and hugged her tight as Abby cried violently into her chest. Both of them sat there as they held each other while they cried; food on the stove since forgotten. The smell of it burning however snapped them back to reality and they finally let each other go.

Trying to sniffle back her runny nose, Clarke scowled at the burnt chili. Turning around her she saw her mom wiping her eyes. Meeting Clarke’s eyes, Abby smiled softly for the first time in what felt like forever.

“Pizza?” she asked.

“Pizza,” Clarke replied.

_They were going to be fine._

 

“Look out!” a familiar voice screamed.

Clarke barely had the time to register who it was when a soccer ball came hitting her leg and falling on her father’s unfinished sketch; the mud on it, ruining it instantly.

When Clarke looked up, she saw her classmate from 20th Century American Literature, Nathan Miller standing there, panting with a contrite look on his face. Clarke registered that it was him who’d tried to warn her.

Against the sun stood a silhouette. Clarke could make out that he was considerably fit since he wasn’t even winded. Hands on his hips, he stood directly against the sunlight, making it hard for Clarke to see him as the rays hit her in the eyes.

“We’re so sorry, Clarke!” Miller said, making Clarke turn back to him.

Just as she was about to reply, the silhouette spoke.

“What the fuck are you apologizing for?” his tone nothing but bitter.

“She should’ve known better,” he added with a huff.

Turning to see Clarke, he said, “Soccer practices always happen at this time not very far from where you’re sitting and –

“Bellamy! That’s Clarke,” Miller said as if that was supposed to make heaven and earth worth of a difference.

However, Clarke realized she misjudged as recognition fell over this _Bellamy’s_ face.

“Ah, the infamous Princess!” Bellamy said it with a sneer that one shouldn’t be capable of when meeting someone for the first time.

“I thought you said she was smart, Miller,” he continued his taunt.

With a smirk on his face, he leaned over near Clarke and said, “So what now, Princess? Just because you were born with a silver spoon up your ass you expect to be treated differently?”

Clarke was dumbstruck. Just who the hell did he think he was?! What gave him the right to judge her when he knew next to nothing about her?

Clarke had kept quiet until now, but Bellamy’s next words threw her demeanor out the window.

“What now? You gonna tell Daddy on me?” Bellamy pouted to dramatize his words.

Clarke saw red.

“You gonna call him and –

“ _Shut up!”_ Clarke bellowed, rendering Bellamy and Miller quiet.

“Just because I’m not saying anything does not mean that you keep trying to prove yourself to be an asshole. The first line outta your mouth was proof enough. Secondly, I do know for a fact that soccer practice happens on the ground over there but maybe you don’t know that today’s Friday, which means that practice only runs until 4. It’s 6 now,” Bellamy looked away with an egotistical frown on his face as Clarke spoke.

She moved closer to him, enough distance for it to be appropriate, but also enough to intimidate the hell out of Bellamy. Seething, she said, “And no, I’m not going to call _Daddy_. My network doesn’t provide the service to be able to call the dead.”

Looking Bellamy straight in the eye for a moment, she bent to pick up her things and walked away.

Needless to say, she hated that guy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, I will eventually write Bellamy's POV also.  
> But for now, the story will unfurl solely from Clarke's perspective.


	3. Back to Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Chapter 1.  
> Clarke wakes up and things happen.

Waking up with a jerk, Clarke noted that she fell asleep on the floor right by her front door. Waking up, she also realized that it was a big ass mistake. Her back was sore; it would take a considerable amount of time before her neck was mobile again; and she couldn’t feel her left arm. She must’ve used it as a make-shift pillow.

Just as she started to get up, her buzzer went off.

Panic filled Clarke and her heart went into overdrive as it only suspected one person to show up at her apartment that early in the morning – _Bellamy_. Or what she thought was early. She was heartbroken. She didn't keep a track of time. Give her a break.

She was almost contemplating leaving her place through the fire escape (dramatic, enough?) when the sound of someone unlocking her front door filled the space.

“I buzzed to warn you, so you better be decent, Griffin!” Raven’s voice boomed as she opened the door. Her usual tone went tame the moment she looked at Clarke.

“You didn’t eat last night, did you?” Knowing the answer, she continued, “Okay, go shower, you stink, and afterwards, we’ll work on making your apartment somewhat…livable again.”

Shoving her toward the direction of her bedroom, Raven turned around to properly inspect the apartment.

After the muffled sound of the shower running gave her the confirmation, Raven made a call.

“Hey, it’s me. Yeah, it’s worse than we thought. I need you here right now,” she said and hung up after getting an affirmation.

 

Around 20 minutes later, Clarke left her bathroom wrapped only in a towel. Making her way to her dresser, she examined herself in the mirror. She had bags under her eyes, her blue lenses were surrounded by an inflamed red color – lack of sleep and relentless crying can do that to you, and for the cherry on top of the cake, she had a zit growing on her right cheek.

“Fan-fucking-tastic,” Clarke grumbled as she ran a finger lightly on the affected area. “Oh, fuck my life,” she said, dropping her hand. 

She lazily got dressed and reappeared in the living room only to find that Raven wasn’t alone; Harper was with her. Harper was the empath of the group – great with emotions and the least immature of the lot of them. It only made sense why Monty fell for her.

“Hey, sweetie,” Harper addressed her in her trademark _I know you’re in pain but know that I got you_ voice. “Shower make you feel better?”

“Is there anything to eat?” Clarke deflected. She really didn’t want to talk about it.

She will. Probably. Sometime in the future.

But right now, the pain was too much for her to talk about it.

“No, you caveman. Your fridge wasn’t exactly packed and what it did have had all gone bad so we threw it out,” Raven explained.

 _This morning just keeps getting better and better._ Clarke thought as she rolled her eyes.

“Tell you what, why don’t you go get yourself something to eat real quick while we clean up your apartment?” Harper suggested. “You do love cream cheese bagels with your morning coffee,” she added with a comforting smile.

Fresh air might do her good.

“Alright, I’ll be back in a while then. You guys want anything?” Clarke asked.

After getting a _No_ and an _I’m good_ , Clarke made her way out to get herself some breakfast.

 

After hearing her footsteps fade with the distance Raven, who was standing near the couch in the living room, turned to look at Harper, who was cleaning the kitchen, with a sigh.

Harper was one of the most thoughtful people in their group. The idea that she hadn’t gotten anything for Clarke was ludicrous. When she arrived, she’d brought with her a carton of fresh milk, a loaf of bread, some eggs, some vegetables and a fresh packet of coffee. She knew her friend well. She knew what all she’d need.

“Do you think this is a good idea?” Raven asked. Harper didn’t reply.

“Does he ask about her?” she asked again. Harper spent a lot of time with Monty, her boyfriend, who spent a lot of time with Bellamy, the man in question.

“No, he doesn’t. But the effort he puts in not asking is monumental. I mean, the guy is _dying_ to know how she’s doing but God knows what’s keeping him from just asking,” Harper said with a sigh. Bellamy can be such an idiot sometimes.

After their entire exchange, Bellamy wasn’t lost on the fact that Raven and Harper were taking care of Clarke. Octavia dropped by Raven’s apartment from time to time too, but Clarke didn’t want to make her feel as though she needed to pick a side.

“Do you think he loves her?” Raven asked.

“He does. He just doesn’t know that he does,” Harper answered.

“What if he never realizes?” she asked. “I just - I feel like we should’ve warned her,” she added exasperatedly.

“Well, if he doesn’t realize it, then Clarke will eventually move on and Bellamy will have to live with it. And, you think she would’ve gone if we'd warned her?” Harper disputed.

“What I mean is that this can go either really well, or blow up in all of our faces, and the balance of probability is heavier on the latter,” Raven pointed out. “I don’t think she’s ready to see him, Harp.”

“Well, let’s see what happens,” Harper said. “Clarke needs to face Bellamy and Bellamy...?” she huffed, “He needs to get his head out of his ass.”

“Touché.”

 

As Clarke walked to the coffee shop a block away from her house, she fell deep in thought. It wasn’t as though she'd never been hurt before. She'd lost a parent as a teenager. She was a pro at heartache. But there was something fundamentally different between existential heartache and romantic heartbreak. Finn was proof enough – a big, fat, _in your face_ kind of a proof. Cheating on Raven with her with the hopes that neither one finds out about the other, which, of course, they did. While the only good thing that came out of that mistake was Raven, it didn’t mean it hadn’t hurt. Even with the pain though, there was a very conscious part of Clarke that always knew that she’d be okay, that everything will be alright. The same happened with Glass as well. Even though that hadn’t lasted all that long and her feelings for Glass weren’t very intense, having her brush off her feelings towards her family and her values became a deal breaker for Clarke.

Despite there had been pain in her life before also, nothing else quite compared to this. It felt as though her life had two sections now – a _before Bellamy_ and an _after Bellamy_. Before Bellamy, it didn't matter. His existence, even if she'd somehow become aware of it, she wouldn't have cared. After Bellamy, she didn't know how she'd ever lived without him.

When they’d met, they hadn’t liked each other all that much. After what he’d said to her during their first meeting, any chances of an olive branch were almost nonexistent to Clarke. Nevertheless, it did happen. Bellamy and Clarke became friends. And then they became best friends.

And before anybody knew it, they went from Bellamy and Clarke to _Bellamy and Clarke_. Wherever he was, everybody assumed she was with him, and vice versa. She was with him when he freaked out about Octavia dating Lincoln – _He’s so much older than her, Clarke!_ That had been his reasoning.

The thought brought a slight smile to her face.

 _Such a drama queen._ She thought.

And just like that he’d been there for her when she broke down one day unexpectedly because she missed her father. He’d held her through the whole thing, whispering sweet nothings in her ear as he ran his fingers through her hair. It wasn’t triggered by anything particular, it had just happened. But that didn’t matter to Bellamy. The only thing that mattered to him was that Clarke was sad and like a switch had flipped inside him – he went into _Cheer Clarke Up Mode_. He’d not only held her, but then dragged her out of the house, only to take her to the playground. He’d chased her and sat on the swings with her, and had slid down the slide with her and sat on the see-saw with her only to make her feel better.

It worked.

Of course, it had worked. What Bellamy didn’t know what a simple smile from him was enough to make Clarke feel like all was okay with the world.

Especially that smile of his, which made its way on his face slowly and then lit it up like Christmas. He looked so nice when he did that.

Gosh, was she really imagining the guy who outright told her that he didn’t feel the same about her as she did for him _and_ smiling about how beautiful his smile is?

 _I’m pathetic._ She decided.

Huffing a breath, she pushed through the door of the coffee shop and made her way to the counter. After placing her order, she waited patiently. There was an indistinct sound of people arguing, the cashier was in a pissy mood, and they were out of the blueberry muffin she had wanted to buy along with her bagel and coffee. None of it fazed her, though.

It couldn’t get any worse than this, right? What’s a missing muffin when her whole heart was missing?

She scowled as she reflected on her thoughts. Had heartbreak turned her into a sap?

She collected her order and made her way out of there to get back home.

Her friends; in fact, two of her best friends were there. Her friends – the only people she could tolerate to be around without being reminded of Bellamy.

As she blew slightly on the coffee and moved her lips to take a sip she heard a deep voice behind her.

“Clarke.”

She stopped in her tracks, eyes wide. She knew exactly who that voice belonged to.

She turned to face the slightly tan guy, who looked amazing as ever (damn, her heart), with an unreadable expression on her face.

Yup, this was really happening. Not a dream. Not an illusion.

Because in front of her, Bellamy Blake stood in all of his shining glory.

“It’s good to see you,” he said.

She was wrong. It could get worse.

_Fuck my life, indeed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the story will have this structure, alternating between present and the past.  
> And yes, I know, I'm evil.


	4. An Olive Branch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and Clarke meet again.  
> It goes better than the first time.  
> (Who's surprised?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an added note - With the shape that this story is taking, I think that the flashbacks need to be finished first. But worry not, I shall keep it limited to 2 to 3 chapters.   
> Then we can dive back in the angst!   
> Cool? Cool.

After their first encounter, Clarke hadn’t really thought all that much about the guy. Hell, she’d even forgotten his name. Miller had approached her in class again to apologize which she’d easily accepted and that was that. The instance all but forgotten.

Clarke was a focused person. Always with a goal in her mind. She liked keeping herself occupied with a variety of activities – sometimes academic, sometimes extra-curricular, and sometimes sexual (she was in college, she was going to utilize every opportunity she got). But even then, she never rubbed her abilities and achievements – big or small, in anybody’s face.

Her friends had often made fun of her for being an overachiever and setting the bar so high that she was practically “too elite” for them to hang out with her. She never took this to heart. She knew that her friends _(assholes)_ were only kidding because they were her biggest supporters too. 

 

Her friends included – Raven Reyes; her friend that sprung in her life in the most unexpected manner – who knew you could be friends with the girlfriend of your ex-boyfriend after said girlfriend realized that her boyfriend was becoming too _friendly_ with another woman? The day Raven had showed up at her apartment, she half-heartedly prepared herself to be punched in the face. She was the other woman, after all. After being offered an olive branch instead, the two had become fast friends.

Then there was Harper. Ah, Harper. The name itself brought a peace and calm to almost all her friends. Clarke would probably sit and have an extensive debate arguing that Harper McIntyre was the sweetest human being to have walked this planet. She _may_  be biased.

Her boyfriend, Monty Green, was someone Clarke had known since her interview at the uni. What had started off as _let’s just grab onto the first person I see so that I don’t feel like I’m in this alone_ had turned into one of the most genuine friendships Clarke had ever had. Monty had her back in a way she didn’t think anybody else did.

With Monty came Jasper Jordan. They were a package deal. Jasper was the clown of the group. Always up to something. But when it mattered, even he knew better – he would dial his craziness down.

And finally, there was Eric Jackson. The only friend of hers that shared her major. He was more of an enigma. _Whoever you date, the guy will never be bored._ She’d told him. He’d just been smug about it and replied _I know_.

These people were her best friends. 

 

Back to the matter at hand, the time came in her curriculum for her to opt for an elective.

Basic Language Teaching, World Literatures or Greek History.

She knew what she would choose from the options alone. She didn’t need to look up the curricula to help her decide.

Greek History it was.

First day in the classroom, she only held onto one single hope.

 _Please let the person teaching this paper be passionate about it and not teaching it for the heck of it._ There was a hamartia in history and its teaching practices in her experiences – the people who handled the paper themselves were so dry that they turned an already dry paper into the Sahara freaking Desert.

History isn’t for everybody. She understood that. But that didn’t give lecturers the right to make the passionate ones also lose interest.

Greek History: An Introduction 302C

Instructor: Prof. Charles Pike

She hoped this Pike, would be better than the history teachers from the past.

In lieu of her inner monologue, she didn’t notice that the seat next to her was occupied by somebody.

“Hey, Princess,” came a heavy voice from next to her.

Snapping her head to the side, Clarke didn’t bother hiding the groan that left her. Rolling her eyes dramatically, she went on to ignore the guy.

“You’re very chipper this morning,” he said.

She continued to ignore him.

 

Bellamy Blake saw “the Princess” sitting at the back of the class. With a head full of blonde hair and a floral sundress on, she was kinda hard to miss. He’d been meaning to seek her out to apologize to her, if nothing else.

To put it simply, he’d been a dick to her.

He’d heard about her from his friend Nathan Miller.

_Dude, this girl in my Lit class, she’s so awesome! She debates like her life depends on it and she doesn’t make meaningless points the way so many people do. She paints, but I think she’s pre-med. That means she’s crazy smart._

Had Miller not been gay, Bellamy would’ve assumed that he’d fallen in love.

But Miller had said that she was pre-med. She must've been loaded to afford pre-med.

And Bellamy _loved_ to show his snark to people born with a silver spoon. It was low-key his religion.

So, when he’d said those things to Clarke the day they met, he knew that he’d be met by one of two possibilities – either she would cry and run away like a classic pushover snobby person with the probability of yelling _I’m going to tell my Mommy/Daddy_ or that she’d use her snobby status to intimidate him.

What he was met with was not what he’d expected in the least. She’d not been an asshole to him any more than he’d been to her.

Everything she’d said was right.

Having a dead parent sucked. He knew that as well as anybody else.

Having been treated the way he was when his mom died, Bellamy had put on this façade to keep up with the society’s expectations.

He had a sister to look after too, Octavia Blake - a free spirit.

However, that didn’t mean that he played nice with those he didn’t want to.

But judging by how he was being ignored this moment, he knew he’d fucked up bad this time.

The day he saw her for the first time, he noticed and was consumed by only one thing – her eyes were so damn blue. Against the sun, especially, her pupils had become so small that he could focus on the blue of her eyes to his heart’s content.

Today though, sitting next to her, he noticed other things about her. The mole above her upper lip, the paleness of her skin – _damn, her skin looks so smooth_ , her cute little nose, and the bow shaped pair of pink lips that looked as though they were covered in nothing but Vaseline.

“Stop staring at me,” she snapped as she turned to look at him. She’d been feeling his gaze on her since she started ignoring him.

All the while, he was thinking – _So. Damn. Blue_.

But his face remained neutral.

“Look, you have every right to be upset,” – she scoffed at that – “but I still want to apologize,” he tried in a softer voice.

“Taken by surprise that not everybody fits your twisted stereotype about rich people?” She retorted with smugness in her tone.  

“Actually, yeah. People I’ve met that were rich have been very different from you, Princess. But that doesn’t matter. Will you accept my apology?” He asked.

“You haven’t apologized yet,” she said simply.

 _She’s a tough one._ He thought with a small smile.

_She’s not going to let me off the hook this easy._

 He opened his mouth to speak and waited a moment before saying, “I’m sorry. I was a dick to you.”

“It’s okay as long as you don’t do it again,” she said calmly.

_Wait, that’s it? That easy?_

“That’s it?” He asked, confused. He thought that she was going to let it stretch.

“You said it – you were a dick but you also apologized for it. Had we been real friends, obviously I wouldn’t’ve let you off the hook without having you at least make it up to me, but you’re not. So yeah, apology’s enough,” she rationalized.

 _Okay, that hurt a little._ He thought at the words “had we been real friends”.

She started doodling when another thought hit him.

“Hold on a second,” he said making her turn to him. “I thought you were a pre-med,” he said. She rolled her eyes as to say _Yeah, so?_

“So, what are you doing in a Greek History class?”

That caused her to smile.

He had to admit, she looked pretty when she smiled; not that she wasn’t pretty otherwise.

“Yeah, we’re supposed to pick an elective this semester, and I chose this one. We have gaps in our daily schedule anyway and Greek History’s cool, so,” she finished.

_She was here by choice? Damn, that’s hot._

“Never thought anyone would choose to study Greek History,” he thought aloud.

“You would,” she said making him frown with curiosity in his eyes.

“Nathan told me that you’re a bit of a history geek,” she said.

Turning to her with a smoulder, “Ah, so is this you seeking me out? Choosing this elective and what not?” He said with a smirk on his face.

Rolling her eyes she said, “Oh, get over yourself…”

“Bellamy. Bellamy Blake,” he supplied.

“Bellamy. I’m Clarke Griffin,” she told him in return.

“Nice to meet you, Clarke. But I personally prefer Princess,” he joked phoneticizing the word. "Wouldn't you agree, Princess?" He turned to look at her with a feigned innocent smile. 

She shook her head but he could see the hint of a smile there.

Despite having only met her twice, Bellamy Blake knew that day that this girl was going to be pretty important in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it, first perspective from Bellamy.  
> I will try to incorporate that as much as possible for the future chapters also.


	5. Never Expected This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and Clarke being Bellamy and Clarke.  
> Also, their friends think they should bang.

After accepting Bellamy’s apology, Clarke learned that for company, he wasn’t half bad.

They found out that their schedules weren’t all that different, since they had free hours almost always at the same time. This led to more and more time being spent, and soon enough, both their friend groups became one huge friend group.

It surprised Clarke just how well everyone fit with each other.

 

With Bellamy came John Murphy, their resident _I don’t give a fuck_ guy.

You want an honest opinion on something? You go to John Murphy. You want to enjoy simple wise-cracking? You go to John Murphy. You want somebody to help you burn a house down?  You go to John Fucking Murphy.

As soon as Murphy joined the group, Jasper felt like they finally found someone crazier than him – “Eh, it’s debatable,” the rest of them would say – and Raven found her snark buddy.

Apart from Murphy, the only friend Bellamy had was Nathan _you’re lucky I put up with your shit_ Miller. Quiet not shy, socially selective, the man with a heart who wasn’t afraid to show it, Miller became friends with Clarke because of their classes. He chose to remain friends with her out of sheer choice.

The arrival of Miller drew one person’s exclusive attention – Eric Jackson. The guy who spoke only when there was a need to speak and otherwise had his nose stuck in some medical journal dropped everything to talk to Miller.

 _I’d like to see where that goes._ Clarke would always think.

And of course, there was Octavia Blake. Bellamy’s younger sister. Clarke hadn’t met her yet, since she was a senior in high school. But she knew one thing – Bellamy Blake loved nobody the way he loved his sister. She knew their backstory – Absentee dad, hardworking mom who tried to take on multiple jobs at once so that Bellamy wouldn’t have to take on any weight on his shoulders. She’d be off to work pretty early in the morning and would only come back late at night.

Aurora Blake only ever asked one thing from Bellamy. She’d tell him to look after his baby sister.

 _My sister. My responsibility._ He always said.

He was fiercely protective of her but knew that now there was line that he couldn’t cross. Meaning, he couldn’t be overprotective.

Clarke found out that this revelation had something to do with Bellamy finding a condom wrapper in the backseat of his car on his way back to college after he’d leant it to her one Saturday night to go on a date with her then boyfriend, Atom.

He didn’t like to speak of it.

But Clarke also knew that while Bellamy wasn’t the type to hover, he didn’t like the fact that his baby sister was having sex being thrust in his face. No pun intended.

He stayed in touch with Octavia over phone calls most of the time and went down to see her during weekends. Octavia still lived with Aurora. Bellamy moving out had been an adjustment, but now, weekends were their uninterrupted family time. 

Clarke had once asked Bellamy if he missed the presence of his father. He only said that if he could rewrite his life all over again, he wouldn’t change a thing.

 

But if there was anything Clarke did not see coming, it was how easily she and Bellamy had begun getting along – well, as “along” as they were capable of since they were almost always arguing about something. They loved to discuss historical things fun facts and argued over things that the others (or try the world) simply didn’t care about.

“Oh, my God, Clarke! How could you be so stupid? The Mariana Trench is 7 miles deep not 11!” He yelled one day.

Another day she yelled, “Had Helen kept it in her pants, the city of Troy could’ve been saved. So, of course I don’t want a guy telling me _you’re as beautiful as Helen_. Helen can go fuck herself. Oh, wait! Paris did that for her,” she said dramatically, finishing with an annoyed huff.  

Bellamy barely hid a smile when she was talking the whole time. Her facts were way off, but her passion was so endearing.

Both of them would sit and talk about their views and opinions about various things; like Odysseus, The Trojan War, whether or not Hades was actually evil or simply misunderstood.

Today, however, somehow, the topic of love crept its way into their usually pegged ‘intellectual’ conversations.

Miller, Murphy and Raven called it nerd talk.

“Clarke, come on, we’ve been over this. That isn’t how love should be,” Bellamy said rubbing his eyes with one hand as the other held his blue rimmed glasses while they were in the library.

“And why not? Abelard loved Heloise so much! Their letters today are a mark of that. Abelard falling in love with Heloise after being hired to tutor her by the canon of Notre Dame, them having a child after secretly getting married, Abelard sending Heloise to safety  after their secret was disclosed, him being castrated in his sleep, becoming a monk and a nun and yet remaining in love forever? How can you not love this? Of course, their story is tragic and in some ways offensive to some people – I mean that some people may think Abelard to be a pedophile but it’s all a matter of perspectives,” she finished with a shrug.

“Clarke,” Bellamy started gently. “I _did not_ peg you for that kind of a woman,” he said.

“What kind of a woman?” she asked tilting her head slightly, curious.

“Well, I just thought that you would like a story where the woman is stubborn as hell and goes back to her lover no matter what the consequences, ‘cause you know, I pity the guy you fall for or who falls for you. You will _never_ let him go,” he said with such an ease as though he was simply stating a fact.

Clarke felt something weird in her chest.

“But you’re still wrong,” Bellamy said. “The best love story in history is that of Baucis and Philemon. Two people who lived together and wanted to die together. You know, as cheesy as this may sound – he paused – “but I wouldn’t mind a love like that,” he finished.

Clarke could only stare at him as he talked.

As he got up and moved around the chair to make his way to one of the book shelves he said, “By the way, that thing you’d said about Helen of Troy, you do know that it was Paris who couldn’t keep it in his pants, right?”

“Fuck off, Bellamy,” Clarke whisper screamed.

Bellamy walked away with a chuckle.

 

“For someone who bitched about Bellamy talking shit about you the first day you guys met, you sure hate him _so much_ ,” Raven said rolling her eyes at Clarke.

“Shut up, Raven,” Clarke grumbled.

 “I’m just saying you’ve known the guy for what – eight months? And still, all you guys do is flirt with each other,” Raven said.

“We _do not_ flirt. We talk – honestly we argue most of the time,” Clarke countered.

“No, sweetie, Raven and I talk,” Harper pitched in. “You and Bellamy do argue, but then again, so do my parents,” she finished lamely.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Clarke asked.

“She means that y’all argue like an old, senile married couple. You know the ones that promise that they’ll live and die together. In fact what’s that film called again?” Raven sat up and ran her fingers through her hair.

“That dumb rom-com where the hot dude tries to convince the hot chick about his feelings by saying some dumb shit like” – she clears her throat and drops her voice to poorly match the octave – “I’d rather fight with you than make love with anyone else,” she says and bursts into laughter.

“Ah! The Wedding Date! Yeah, the movie is a little silly, but you gotta admit, Dermot Mulroney is pretty hot,” Harper says.

“Bellamy would never say something like that _to anyone_ ,” Clarke retorts.

“You’re right. He’d probably say” – drops her voice again – “I want to fight with you and make love with you. I don’t know, let’s do whatever the hell we want, _baby_ ,” Raven said laughing.

“Oh, not your best, Raven,” Harper said cringing a little. “He isn’t that eloquent with words, is he?” she added.

“I don’t know,” Raven wheezed as she kept laughing.

“Well, your impression of him is uncanny,” Clarke said deadpanned.

"Whatever, point is that when you two "argue", the rest of us can feel the tension in the air," Raven retorted. 

"That's just because we both really like history," Clarke said.

"Nerds," Raven rolled her eyes. "Or maybe you really like each other," she said looking smug. "Come on Clarke, you know you want to hit that," she said hitting her friend on her shoulder. "He looks like he'd be good at it."

Clarke scowled at Raven and got up to put her bowl of popcorn in the sink. 

She couldn’t understand was why in the world did her friends think that she had a thing for Bellamy?

What she didn’t realize was that the real question was – _Did_ she?

 

“I’m surprised to see you here,” Miller said.

“What’s that supposed to mean? I’m Bellamy Blake, your roommate,” Bellamy said not moving his eyes from the TV as he sat next to Monty, roasting his ass at Mario Kart.

“Actually, I should say _I_ am surprised to see _you_ here,” Bellamy said smugly. “Aren’t you supposed to be on a date with Jackson?”

“It wasn’t a date,” Miller grumbled. “We’re hangin’ out,” he said lamely.

“Sure you are, buddy,” Bellamy scoffed.

“Yeah, the hickey on your neck is enough to tell us that you both are just _hangin’ out_ ,” Monty said with a smirk.

Miller cleared his throat as he readjusted his collar. Bellamy and Monty simply smirked.

“Besides, where else am I supposed to be?” Bellamy said turning his attention back to the game.

“I don’t know, with Clarke, maybe?” Miller said.

“What?” Bellamy asked, truly lost on the context.

“What your friend is asking is – why on earth are you here Bellamy when you could be with Clarke, getting hickies of your own?” Monty translated. “Whoo! Gotcha, Blake,” he yelled.

“What?” Bellamy spluttered. “Clarke and I aren’t…like that,” he said. “I mean, we’re friends, and sure, she’s hot. But I don’t think of her that way. She’s just the girl I really love annoying the crap out of,” Bellamy said with a smile.

“I mean, have you seen how cute she gets when she’s upset? Her nose goes all red, and the fact that it’s so little makes her look even cuter. Her getting angry is like an annoyed little oompa-loompa. And then there’s just mispronouncing medical terms in front of her. She slams books on the table but her hands are so small so it looks so kiddy! And she’s so passionate when she’s telling me about any art piece that she likes or that she saw and can’t get over,” Bellamy ranted on.

Monty and Miller exchanged a look and sighed loudly.

“What? That doesn’t mean that I like her or anything. We’re just friends,” Bellamy said.

“Sure ya are, buddy,” they said in unison.

Bellamy grumbled and silently went back to the game.

Monty and Miller were thinking out of their asses. He didn’t like Clarke. She was attractive. That was an objective analysis. But that didn’t mean anything. Both of them got along. But that was it. He didn’t want her in any other way, though.

Bellamy Blake didn’t like Clarke Griffin.

What he didn’t realize was that it would soon change.

Monumentally. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it!  
> Let me know what you think.


	6. Don't Hold Me Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to Present - 0.02%  
> Rest of it - A Flashback
> 
> Two chapters in one day!  
> Whaaaat?!

“Clarke,” Bellamy gathered all his courage and said the name out loud when he saw the blonde who had been pretty much occupying his thoughts, dreams and reality since she’d told him how she’d felt.

_“I love you, Bellamy,” Clarke said looking a little nervous._

_Bellamy smiled and said, “I love you, too, Clarke. Nothing you don’t already know,” he chuckled._

_“No,” she said. “You don’t understand. I love you, Bellamy. I’m in love with you. I have been for a long time now. At first I thought that it was a silly stupid crush – I mean come on, we spend almost all of our time together. Despite the fact that we have many friends, you’re the one that not only knows everything about me but_ knows _me. So when I felt something for the first time, I figured that I just needed to hang out with other people too. But then you and Gina…I knew. I knew that what I felt for you was no crush,” Clarke was pacing in front of the art gallery by now. All their friends had gone back to their own homes leaving Bellamy and Clarke alone._

_Bellamy looked at Clarke, his heart lodged in his throat as she kept talking._

_“You matter to me. Your happiness matters to me. That was why I didn’t tell you how I felt when I saw you with her. And I know I probably shouldn’t be telling you this now either, Bellamy but I can’t keep it in anymore. It hurts too much to look at you and not do anything about it. It hurts to sit next to you and not extend my hand to grab yours,” Clarke was close to tears by now; years of suppressed love for this perfectly imperfect man finally surfacing._

_“I love you, Bellamy. And by now I don’t even care what you say because it feels so fucking good to finally say it out loud,” Clarke finished with a loud exhale._

_Bellamy stood shell-shocked, Clarke’s words ringing in his ears. His thoughts were also at war._

Crap! Crap! Crap! What do I do?

Tell her you love her too.

But I don’t. Not the way she wants me to.

Tell her anyway.

I can’t break her heart. 

You’ll be breaking it either way.

_His mind provided uselessly._

_“Will you please say something?” Clarke asked, barely choking on a sob._

_“Clarke,” Bellamy breathed. “I” -_

_“I’m sorry,” he said._

_With those two words, Clarke’s whole world came crashing down. She lost all semblance of reality and broke down into tears._

_“I’m so sorry, Clarke,” Bellamy said again, hoping that if nothing else, at least his apology might make her feel better. He knew somewhere in his mind that it wouldn’t change shit. Who in their right mind would say_ I’m sorry _to a woman when said woman just proclaimed her love for them?_

_“I’m so so sorry, Clarke,” he said yet again, his voice choking as he saw the most important person to him, apart from Octavia, breaking down completely._

_Clarke tried to collect herself. But each time she tried, Bellamy’s apology rang in her ears knocking her down all over again._

_Watching her struggling, Bellamy took a step towards her to try and wrap his arms around her._

_“Please, don’t,” Clarke gasped out. “Don’t make this harder than it already is. I beg of you,” she said, her face twisted with grief._

_Bellamy had been there when Clarke had broken down like this before. When she recalled Finn, when she was remembering her father on the day of his anniversary, when she got her father’s surprise from Abby_ (those had been happy tears, but still). _Yet, Bellamy had never seen Clarke as broken as she was in front of him right now._

 _And the worst part was the realization that_ he _was the one to have caused it._

_“Clarke, what can I do?” Bellamy pleaded. “Please, just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”_

_He was desperate to make her feel better. Something about Clarke being sad had always brought a nauseating feeling in his gut, evoking the need to fix whatever it was to make her smile again. If not smile, at least put her at ease._

_Clarke looked up at him and ran her tear covered hand through her hair, making some of the strands damp._

_“Anything you want, Clarke, I’ll do it,” Bellamy said making her look at him._

Can you love me back? Can you _please_ love me back?  _She thought._

_“Can you...drop me off at Raven’s, please?” She wheezed out._

_“Of course! Anything you need, Clarke,” he said reaching out to pull her to her feet._

_Clarke and Bellamy silently made their way to his Jeep, Bellamy keeping a very conscious distance from her as they walked._

_The drive to Raven’s was silent – Clarke staring out the window, finding no will to care about anything at this moment. Bellamy kept stealing glances at her, fighting the urge to reach out or something. He shut his eyes painfully and turned back to the road._

_“I really am so sorry, Clarke,” Bellamy tried. “I never meant to hurt you,” he said._

_“I know,” she said without looking his way. “That doesn’t change that it still does, Bell.”_

_They didn’t exchange any more words till they reached Raven’s apartment that she shared with Miles._

_Neither of them moved._

_Neither spoke but they both knew what this moment meant, the weight of it, the consequence of it._

_Once Clarke leaves, it’ll only become ever more real. This will forever be a wedge in their friendship._

_He will forever be looked at as – “Aren’t you the guy who broke your best friend’s heart because she fell in love with you?”_

_He wondered if they could get past this._

_At that moment, he wondered if Clarke wanted to get past this._

_“So, where does this leave us?” Bellamy slowly asked._

_“I don’t know, Bellamy,” Clarke said. “Just give me some time.”_

Time for what? _Bellamy was frightened at the thought._

What if she wanted to leave? He wasn’t in love with her but that didn’t mean he could live without her. He was sure he wouldn’t survive.

_“Time for what?” He asked._

_“Time to readjust. I just told the guy I’d been silently pining after for years that I love him and he doesn’t feel the same way,” she said with a sad huff. Bellamy swallowed._

_“My whole world just turned upside down. I need time to readjust, gather my bearings together, again,” she said looking at him._

_Seeing tears pool in those big beautiful eyes of hers only brought more heartache to Bellamy._

_“Okay,” he said almost in a whisper._

_“Will we get through this?” He asked. “This may sound really selfish but I can’t lose you as a friend, Clarke. I will give you as much time as you need, but please, don’t abandon me. I need you,” Bellamy asked her, desperation clear as day in his voice._

_“I don’t know, Bellamy,” Clarke said tiredly._

_Wow, confessing your feelings can really take it outta you._

_“I don’t even know which way’s up right now. So, asking me a loaded question like that isn’t exactly wise,” she tried to joke. “I don’t know what will happen in the future. I’m not going to make hollow promises to you. All I can talk about is right now, and right now? I need space. I need time to readjust. Can you do that for me?” Clarke asked._

_Bellamy only nodded, too much in pain to actually say something._

_“Well, then, thanks for the ride,” Clarke said, got out of the car and walked inside the building._

_Bellamy left the breath he didn’t know he was holding and finally let some of his own tears fall on his thighs._

_After finally pulling himself together moments later, he drove away._

“It’s good to see you,” Bellamy said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!  
> I appreciate the love you're all giving to this fic (and me)!  
> Stay tuned for more.


	7. Partners In Crime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Bellamy being Clarke and Bellamy.  
> Their friends STILL think they should bang.  
> Also, is Clarke getting a little jealous?
> 
> Mind the change in rating and the added tags, please.  
> Also, there will be same sex couples in this story. However, since they will be only briefly mentioned, I won't be changing the tags.

Things had started to look up for Clarke and Bellamy. They still had screaming matches every now and then but they rarely carried any venom. And when they screamed at someone together, well, God help the poor bastard.

Anyone looking for proof could simply ask Raven or Monty or Miller or Murphy or…eh, you get the point.

They’d destroyed a girl named Roma who Murphy had brought to the bar one night after having been out with her a couple times. She’d very dreamily said that she really liked the Twilight Saga only to later very staunchly claim that she was a feminist.

The former extracted no response from either Bellamy or Clarke; only a twinning eye role. But the latter caused them to exchange one look – a look that by now everyone knew translates _Shit’s ‘bout to hit the fan_ – and matching smirks and with that they turned to Roma and Clarke sweetly asked, “So, Roma, you’re a feminist?”

“Oh, yeah! Women rock! Like, name one thing women can’t do,” she said.

“Provide sperm to allow procreation,” Bellamy said deadpanned.

“Well, that’s one. Whatever. Point is that women are strong and they can do whatever the hell they want. They don’t need to rely on someone to help them achieve something,” she said, feeling oddly proud.

“Wow, you know what? You’re completely right,” Clarke continued in her sweet tone.

Everyone watched closely, waiting for the bomb to drop. Murphy, on the other hand, looked as though he was thinking _well, there goes my chance of getting laid by this chick_.

“However,” Clarke continued, “For someone with such a strong _feministic_ approach, your taste in novels sure is questionable,” she said her face losing the smile.

“Excuse me?”  Roma asked sounding vaguely offended.

“What she means is how can you, a self- proclaimed feminist, like a book series that advertises one key idea: every woman has only one purpose in her life and that is to get herself a boyfriend?” Bellamy pitched in.

“Well, I,” – Roma started only to be interrupted by Clarke.

“Also, doesn’t it bother you even a little that the idea that a woman will always come between two men is sensationalized in the novels? Admittedly, said two men aren’t exactly best friends, but still. It’s offensive, don’t you think, Roma?” Clarke asked innocently.

"You're - 

“Not to mention the momentous weirdness in the fact that the werewolf dude spends ninety percent of the series being in love with the idiot chick only to realize later that he actually loved her and Shovel Face’s kid! I mean, that’s gotta constitute as pedophilia, right?” Bellamy said.

“But the fact that Shovel Face is doing the idiot chick isn’t all that different,” he reasoned further.

“I agree,” Clarke said looking at Bellamy before turning to Roma.

“Well? Roma, what do you think?” Clarke asked leaning her elbows onto the table to look right at her.

“I think…I’m gonna go,” she said getting up.

“I’ll walk you out?” Murphy tried only to have a drink thrown at his face. By the time he opened his eyes again, Roma was gone.

“Well, she’s definitely a feminist now,” Murphy scowled as he took some tissues to wipe his face.

“You two are monsters. We can never bring anyone by if you two behave this way!” Harper said. Monty looked slightly worried but she smiled at him and said, "Well, not us, but our single friends. None of them will find love if these two two keep going at it," causing Bellamy and Clarke to sport matching smirks. 

“Well, you could look at it this way, if anyone we like can survive the snark of these two – they’re a keeper!” Raven said.

“Raven’s got a point,” Miller said.

“Easy for you to say, dude! You’re already getting laid and your boyfriend is friends with one half of this monstrosity,” Murphy yelled. “How about you both just bang each other, get it outta your systems so that the rest of us, who are single, can bang whoever we want without you two taking out your frustrations on them?” he seethed at Bellamy and Clarke.

“What makes you think that we don’t get laid?” Bellamy asked.

“Yeah, we get plenty laid,” Clarke retorted.

“Well, Bellamy hasn’t brought home a girl in two weeks,” Miller supplied.

“And, Clarke, it’s been months since you got laid too,” Raven pitched in uselessly.

“Whoa hey whoa whoa whoa, I have plenty of toys to keep me company. I’m getting all the orgasms I need,” Clarke said defiantly.

“And I – am going to go pick up that girl at the bar,” Bellamy said slipping out of the booth.

After he left, Clarke turned to her friends and sternly said, “You guys, saying shit like Bellamy and I should bang isn’t funny. We don’t like each other like that. You know that by now,” she said helplessly.

The response she got was combined voices saying _Yeah, right_ and _Please!_   making her roll her eyes.

Murphy said, “You have more chemistry than two rabbits already fucking.”

 “You have more chemistry than an explosion caused by hydrogen mixing with oxygen,” Raven said.

“You both constantly look like you’re undressing each other with your eyes,” Monty said.

“But since you don’t literally do that, you simply yell at each other as a form of defense mechanism,” Harper pitched. “It’s psychology, Clarke.”

“Nope, it’s _Chemistry_. Not the kind that throws off an awful stench but the kind that makes you all hot and bothered. The _good_ kind of chemistry,” Miller said making the rest of them smirk.

Clarke skimmed her eyes at all her friends before grumbling, “I hate you all.”

After a while, she turned to look over at the bar and saw Bellamy leaving with the girl he’d gone over to flirt with. His hand was on her back and all of a sudden, something Clarke felt something uncomfortable inside of her.

_Irritation?_

_Maybe it was something she ate._

Deep down she knew what it was, but didn’t want to say it. Because saying it might give whatever it was more fuel to act out. In that moment, however, she knew one thing – If Bellamy was going to get laid tonight, so was she.

She scanned the bar for possible prospects when she spotted a woman with blonde hair chewing her bottom lip, deciding what to order.

“I’ll be right back or I'll be home,” she said sliding out of the booth, not waiting for a response.

As she made her way to the woman, she noticed that she had a tattoo on the back of her left calf, and her skin looked like it had gotten tan somewhat recently.

Settling herself next to her with subtlety, she said, “They make a killer Manhattan here,” she looked at her.

The woman looked at her, still biting her lip causing Clarke to look down at her lips.

“Or a Whiskey sour if you’re into the real stuff,” she said letting her eyes easily fall between her eyes and lips.

The woman finally smiled, and asked slyly, “Are you buying?”

Clarke shrugged and said, “If you want me to, however, you do look thirsty, so...can I buy you a drink?” Clarke asked and smirked as she saw the woman’s eyes made their way from her eyes to her lips to her rack.

_Bingo._

“Well, what would you recommend for someone who likes to feel the burn?” she flirted right back.

Clarke moved closer and said, “If you want to feel the burn, I’d suggest go for a straight Vodka,” already signaling the bartender to grab three shots of vodka each.

After spending some time talking to her, Clarke learned that her name was Nylah and that she was new in town. She also knew that she was horny going by the way she kept rubbing her thighs together whenever Clarke delivered an innuendo. Also, somewhere in the middle of their conversation, Clarke popped the second and the third button of her blouse open, giving Nylah a generous view.

Some more time and drinks later, Nylah became more physically expressive, reaching out to touch Clarke’s hair or grab her arm when Clarke made her laugh, or put her hand on her thigh.

Clarke was pretty tipsy (she had an above average threshold – it took a lot for her to get drunk) when Nylah closed in on her to whisper in her ear, “You were right. The vodka gave a good burn. But now I want to feel a different type of a burn.”

When she pulled away, Clarke could see the fire in her eyes and she didn’t waste time in paying for their tabs before taking her hand and leaving the bar.  

She didn’t live that far from the bar so Clarke helped them make her way to her building.

She opened the door and slammed Nylah against it, closing it effectively. They crashed their lips together in a mess of tongue, teeth and a warm wetness. Nylah helped Clarke remove her jacket and then her blouse while Clarke stuck her knee between Nylah’s legs. Since she was wearing a skirt, reaching for her center was easy for Clarke.

As Clarke was done removing Nylah’s top and her bra, her knee hit its target, rubbing at it.

Nylah broke the kiss they were in the middle of, threw her head back and moaned. Clarke took the opportunity to kiss and suck her way down her neck, making sure to leave marks before finally taking her breast in her mouth and sucking. She let her one hand roughly squeeze the unattended breast while her other hand made its way down her back, stopping at her ass, squeezing it before reaching the back of her thigh to hitch it upwards.

Both of them were shamelessly humping each other against the door, when Nylah moaned, “Oh, Clarke!”

“You better remember that name, baby. Because by the time I’m done with you, you’ll be screaming either that or God,” she said as she detached herself from her, took her hands, moved them towards her bedroom and locked the door behind them.

She kept her promise.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Credits to Screen Junkies for coming up with Shovel Face.


	8. How Did We Get Here?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Clarke's confession, Bellamy's POV.  
> Look out for the angst.

After pulling up in front of his apartment, Bellamy stared into the void with his hands still on the steering wheel for what felt like forever; multiple thoughts rifling through his mind.

_What just happened?_

_How did this happen?_

_When did this happen?_

_Why did it have to happen?_

_Did I ever lead her on?_

_How did we get here?_

And the most haunting of all of them – _Will we ever get past this?_

Inhaling sharply, he pulled the key out, gathered himself as much as he could and made his way to his apartment.

That night, he functioned purely on muscle memory. Bellamy Blake had a system in which he worked. He wasn’t high maintenance all the time – only when it was needed.

He entered his apartment, took off his shoes and placed them on the stand.

He hung the keys at their designated place and made his way to his bathroom down the hall.

There, he took off all his clothes and put them in the laundry basket.

He went to his en suite bathroom and took a warm shower after which moved on to brush his teeth.

He got into comfortable clothes and made his way under the covers.

The buzz of his phone that lay on his bedside table snapped him out of his daze but couldn’t get him to care enough to answer when he saw that the person’s name didn’t start with a C. A fucking letter was enough to cause his heart to become heavy.

_Shit._

_But wait a minute, why do you think she’d call you now?_

_You screwed up royally to say the least._

_You don't deserve any phone calls from her._

_You don't deserve her love._

_You don't deserve her._

_Shit!_

Bellamy felt like punching a hole in the wall but he was exhausted.

He fell asleep hoping to any God out there that a certain blonde not be in the pain he knew himself to be the reason for.

_As if._

 

He woke up next morning slowly. He stretched, sat up and cracked his back, fingers and neck. Once he relaxed, the previous night’s memories washed over him, renewing his pain.

While Bellamy wasn’t known to be the “fix-it” guy in their group, he was pretty decent in giving out advice whenever his friends needed it. He wasn’t usually a mess when it came to his own problems, and when he did hit a stump, he always had Clarke to turn to.

But now, he didn’t know what to do.

_I don’t even know which way’s up right now._ She’d said.

“You got that right,” Bellamy scoffed as he could totally relate at this moment.

However, no matter what, she was his best friend. He wasn’t going to blame her for developing feelings for her. But the way she’d talked, she sounded like she’d felt that way for a long time; maybe even years.

_What should I do?_

_God, what the fuck should I do?_

Bellamy wished at that moment that if in “the Game of Life” one could ask for a cheat sheet for help to get past things or deal with them  _once_ in their lifetime, he would cash in his right about now.

But life didn’t work that way.

Life wasn’t fair.

Life sucked.

_Thanks a lot, life. You can go suck it._

He ran his hands over his face tiredly when he heard a knock on his door.

His thoughts now, by default, went to Clarke at the slightest movement anywhere around him. So, thinking it was her at the door, he ran to open it.

It was Monty. Bellamy thought he didn't let his disappointment show. 

Monty looked somewhere between tired and pissed. More the latter.

“You look worse than I thought you would,” he said as he made his way into the apartment.

Bellamy shifted on his heels not knowing how to respond to that.

Monty turned around to see him with a sigh and then his expression changed to neutral.

“Yeah, I know what happened. Harper and Raven are with her right now,” he said.

“Okay,” Bellamy sighed in relief. He was glad Clarke wasn’t alone. Just then another thought bothered him. “Does anybody else…?”

“No,” Monty told him. “It wouldn’t be fair to Clarke. For now, only you, Clarke, Raven, Harper and I know. Shaw knows she’s upset but he doesn’t know the reason,” he looked at Bellamy sharply for a second before morphing his face back into being neutral.

“Look, I know that all of us are close but that doesn’t mean that we have to wave each other’s dirty laundry in public. Nobody else knows and it’s going to stay that way till Clarke decides otherwise. She’s the one in pain right now. I get that you aren’t doing any better, but please, you aren’t anywhere close to how wrecked she is,” Monty finished.

Bellamy couldn’t help but agree. Of course his pain wouldn’t come even close to Clarke’s. He knew that. He could also see the clear concern on Monty’s face.

“Did you see her?” he asked.

“No, I dropped Harper off at Raven’s just now. But I did talk to Raven last night when she’d called us. That’s how I know what happened. That’s also why after dropping Harper off, I came straight here. I wasn’t expecting you to be alright, Harper agreed, which is why she made me pick up breakfast for you, too,” Monty said.

A smile grew on his face as the gesture. “Tell her thanks,” he said.

“ _I_ have to since she might yell at you right now,” Monty said immediately regretting his words as he saw Bellamy wince.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly.

“It’s okay. I almost feel like I deserve it,” Bellamy said.

A moment of quiet fell between them when Monty asked in a comforting tone, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

A faraway look fell over Bellamy’s face, something Monty could only decipher as maybe him reliving last night’s events. Bellamy quickly morphed his features and cleared his throat.

“I don’t even…” Bellamy closed his eyes hoping for the umpteenth time that when he opens them again, maybe all of this would fade into nothing, proving to be nothing but a dream. A really bad dream. But, once again, life didn’t work that way.

“I hurt her, Monty. I don’t understand anything right now. She loves me and I don’t feel the same way. I know something’s wrong, but I don’t know how to fix it, I didn't even know when she - he cut himself midway.

Monty sighed next to him and said, "How did you not know? Everyone knows. Heck, I think even Lincoln known by now, and he only hangs out with us once a month on game nights. She's loved you for so long. How could you not have known? Did you never see the way she looked at you? Or everything she's done for you - helping you out with job applications, choosing this apartment for you because she said quote unquote, "It's very you", taking care of you when you fell sick, did you not see during any of these times? The woman is crazy about you, man."

Bellamy shut his eyes painfully. He slowly spoke, “I didn't know. And now it's all ruined and I want to fix it but I don't know how! And when I do think about ways of fixing it, I don’t know, man, but I just think that maybe I’ll end up making it far worse than it already is,” he paused before continuing, “She asked me to give her space. She asked me not to call or text, basically. But I want to. God, I want to, so badly,” he said running his hands through his hair.

Monty remained quiet. 

Bellamy turned to look at him when an idea popped into his head.

“Can you call Harper?” he asked.

“What?” Monty said, surprised at the request.

“Please, Monty. I’m dying to know how she’s doing,” Bellamy said pleadingly.

Monty opened his mouth to probably tell Bellamy what a bad idea it was when Bellamy interrupted him – “Look, she’s in pain because of me! I have to honour her wishes to give her space but I can’t stop thinking about her. Not knowing how she is, is killing me. So, please, please, can you just call Harper?”

Monty sighed. “What do you want me to say? And I can’t lie, Harper’ll know.”

“Yeah, I know. Just, don’t lie about where you are, tell her you’re at my place, but tell her that I’m not around. Tell her that you pushed me to take a shower or something,” Bellamy said, getting up from his couch, flailing his arms.  

Monty said nothing, but pulled his phone out nonetheless. Bellamy paced as Monty pressed _Call_ and put the phone on loudspeaker.

_“Hello?”_

“Hey, babe. How’s she doing?” Monty asked.

_“Are you asking for you or for your friend who’s probably listening in right now?”_ She asked in a hushed voice. And she didn’t say Bellamy’s name. It could only mean one thing – Clarke was nearby.

“Nah, I pushed the asshole to take a shower. He isn’t doing so well,” Monty tried to sound convincing. Bellamy was biting his nails by now.

They heard Harper sigh on the other end.

_“Yeah, the story isn’t any brighter here, either,”_

“How is she, Harp?” Monty genuinely wanted to know.

_“How do you think, Monty? She’s”_ – Whatever she was about to say was interrupted by Raven’s yelling.

_“Clarke, you can’t not eat. You have to have your breakfast!”_

_“I’m not hungry, Raven.”_

Bellamy’s heart skipped a beat at hearing Clarke’s voice.

_“The fuck you’re not! Your stomach sounds as though there’s a monster truck rally going on in there.”_

_“I don’t care. I don’t want to eat.”_

_“Harper, come talk some sense into this idiot!”_

Harper’s voice joined in their conversation but she didn’t hang up the phone.

_“Sweetie, you have to eat something.”_

_“For the last time, I’m not hungry.”_

Harper sighed and motioned Raven to take over again. She put her phone to her ear again.

_“Well, she refuses to eat.”_

“Don’t let her starve. You know how she can get,” Monty said. Bellamy unconsciously nodded in agreement with a frown on his face.

_“Yeah, I know. Did Be – did he eat?”_

“After the shower,” Monty said smoothly.

_“Right, after the,”_ – Again, the conversation got interrupted. However, this time, it was Clarke yelling.

_“For fuck’s sake, Raven! The man that I love does not love me back! I don’t give two shits about breakfast right now! You think that me eating will suddenly make Bellamy love me?! In that case, bring on the breakfast!_

Everything was silent for a while before Clarke spoke again.

_“I appreciate what you’re doing but I’m not hungry, Raven. I’m heartbroken. He doesn’t love me,” she sounded like she was realizing it all over again and just like that, her cries filled the apartment._

_“He doesn’t love me and I can’t make him. And me? I’ve loved him for_ so _long, Raven, so long that I don’t know how to not love him anymore. I don’t even remember what it feels like to not love him,” she said and then suddenly –_

_“That enough for you, Bellamy?”_ Harper’s voice came on, again hushed and slightly bitter. 

And just like that, Bellamy’s heart broke all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it folks!


	9. I'm So Screwed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A green eyed monster visits Clarke.
> 
>  
> 
> Timeline: Past

Two years after being best friends with Bellamy, Clarke could say with a certain amount of confidence that the rest of their friends were crazy. Clarke and Bellamy didn’t like each other. Sure, she found his curls, carelessly falling on his forehead without a second thought, mightily hot but that didn’t mean anything. And sure, his laughter was one of her favorite sounds in the world but that too, didn’t mean anything.

If she did feel something for him, she assumed that she shouldn’t feel comfortable dating or sleeping with other people.

Something to do with human emotion – sensitivity – or some bullshit like that.

But she was completely comfortable hooking up with people every once in a while. And she enjoyed occasionally getting dolled up to head for a date, regardless of the expectations of how the date should end.

She dressed for herself, first. She never really did understand the stigma of wanting to dress up for someone. She was comfortable in her own skin and the people whose attention she grappled knew that from the way she carried herself. She knew just how to play her cards right to get what she wanted from someone.

So, yeah, she hooked up. A lot.

However, again, did she ditch her date every now and then when Bellamy called to ask her if she wanted to grab ice cream with him? Sure!

But that did not mean anything.

No sir.

Nothing at all.

 

_Clarke panted as her ‘date’ kissed and licked at her neck. One of legs relaxed on the floor while the other was spread in front on the couch in his apartment, she accommodated him perfectly without actually touching his southern hemisphere. But, God, did she want to._

_Her fingers made their way into his hair as she pulled him closer, letting out a sexy moan in the process. The sound that she made triggered his hands to make their way from her thighs to her waist where they looked for the soft flesh to squeeze at._

_Oh, this was going just where she wanted it to go._

_She increased her grip on his hair, pulled at it slightly eliciting a moan from him before she pulled it harder, this time to pull his face away from her neck so that she could let her lips meet his._

_He was a good kisser._

_It was a shame that she couldn’t even remember his name._

_Craig?_

_Cage?_

_Carl?_

_Something with a C._

_She was sure of that._

_Eh, never mind. She’d just moan her way into this thing if that’s what it took._

_She was pulled from her thought as one of his hands made its way up and grabbed her breast. He squeezed it gently, as though testing the feel of it. Then circling her nipple through her top he rubbed and pulled at it; all the while his mouth devouring hers._

_She moaned again. But this time it was because, along with all his ministrations, she felt a vibration up her spine. It took her a while to realize that it was her phone._

_Reluctantly, she pushed him away._

_Frowning, he asked, “What is it? Do you not want to?”_

_Shaking her head, she said, “No, it’s not that.”_

_She pulled her phone out of her back pocket and saw the call ID._

_Bellamy._

_“Sorry, I have to take this,” Clarke said getting up and going out into the hallway to take the call, not really waiting for a response from him._

_“Hey, what’s up?” She asked once she answered, sounding slightly winded._

_“Hey,” he said. “Is this a bad time? You sound a little breathless.”_

_“Yeah, no, I was just" – clearing her throat she asked, “What’s up? Is everything alright?”_

_“Everything’s fine, Clarke,” he said, laughing slightly. “I just – I was wondering,” he said and paused a bit. “I was wondering if you wanted to go get some ice cream?” He asked slowly._

_Uh-oh._

_Ice cream._

_Bellamy’s go-to snack when he was upset about something he dearly cared about._

_It could only mean one thing._

_This had something to do with Octavia._

_“Uh – sure. Where do you want to go? Our usual place?” Clarke asked._

_“Yeah,” Bellamy said. “That’d be great!”_

_“Okay, I’ll see you in a few, then,” she said._

_“Okay, see you,” he said._

_Walking back into the apartment, she looked for her jacket. She was sure he didn’t let her hang it up._

_“Everything alright?” He asked Clarke._

_“Yeah – I have to go,” she said._

_“Go? Where?” he asked._

_“Something’s come up and I’m needed. So, I have to go,” she said curtly in a tone that clearly translated to – none of your business, pal._

_She put her jacket on, waved him a goodbye, knowing that the chances of him calling her would be next to nil._

_But she didn’t care._

_Bellamy needed her._

_Walking to their spot in the park, she spotted him sitting on a bench, leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees, ice cream cups in both hands, one of his legs tapping repeatedly._

_Bellamy hated it when others did that. So if he was doing it, it had to be something that was_ really _bothering him._

_She sat down next to him, calm. She knew she had to be calm so that he could freak out. It was an unspoken understanding between them._

_“His name is Lincoln, and he’s" – And Bellamy started ranting about how his sister, his_ baby _sister was dating a guy seven years older to her, how he was buff and taller than Bellamy but still failed to intimidate him and how Octavia was way too good for him._

_Clarke sat there, patiently listening to Bellamy freak out._

_She’d met the younger Blake a few months after becoming Bellamy’s friend._

_They’d taken a liking to each other instantly._ _But because of the distance between their college and Octavia’s school, they could never really spend quality time with each other._

_But after Octavia decided to take some time off before going to college, work a while, she'd reconnected with her brother on a whole new level and gotten really close to Clarke._

_Did Clarke know about Octavia’s relationship with Lincoln? Yes, of course, she did. Lincoln had met Octavia through her._

_Bellamy knew this too._

_But Clarke knew why he was freaking out now._

_“Bell, are you really upset because of the laundry-list of reasons you gave as to why you think Lincoln isn’t right for her? Or are you worried about her because this time, your sister has found someone she really, actually likes. Someone she may even fall in love with,” Clarke gently probed._

_Bellamy looked at her with vulnerability in his eyes. He stayed silent for a few moments, only the sound of breathing filling the air._

_“She’s growing up, Clarke,” he sighed. “My baby sister’s growing up. I don't know if I'm ready for this.”_

_“Yeah. She’s grown up. But that doesn’t mean that she needs you any less now, Bell,” Clarke said. “It only means that she needs someone other than you, just like you need someone other than her. You’re both grown-ups now. But you both need each other equally, Bellamy. So, please don’t think that her needing someone else somehow means that she doesn’t need you anymore. ‘Cause that’s just crazy.”_

_Bellamy huffed a laugh._

_They sat there in silence when he spoke again –_

_“You’re right. She does need someone else other than me. She deserves to find someone too,” he said running his fingers through his hair._

_“Like, I have her but I have you too, you know? I don’t think I need anybody else,” Bellamy said shrugging._

_Clarke meant what she said in a_ romantic _capacity. But she wasn’t sure in what way Bellamy meant when he said that. She wasn't even sure she wanted to know._

_“Hey, thanks for being here. I know it must’ve been awkward ditching your date,” Bellamy said nudging her shoulder with his, pulling her from her thoughts._

_“Um – I,” Clarke started._

_“Please, Clarke, you have a hickey the size of Alaska on your neck,” he laughed it off. “But seriously, thank you,” he said, somber._

_Clarke only smiled looking at him. She was still wet from her earlier activities. But she didn’t care._ _Even though she was uncomfortably turned on, looking at Bellamy in that moment, finally comfortable and looking like he was okay once again, she decided that if given the choice again, she’d still come for Bellamy._ (A/N: no pun intended)

_Because that’s what friends do, right? They give up sex to make each other smile._

_It didn’t mean anything._

 

How wrong she was when she saw him walk into a bar with _her_ in his arms.

“Hey, guys! Meet my girlfriend, Gina,” Bellamy said, grinning wide looking at all his friends seated in the booth.

Clarke gripped her glass of vodka stronger when she registered the sentiment plaguing her mind and heart.

Of course, she'd known that Bellamy had gone out with her once. She heard about the second date from Miller, which had stung slightly but hadn't bothered her that much. She knew that Bellamy didn't really "date" people. 

 _Maybe she isn't putting out._ Clarke had thought when she heard about their fifth date. 

But now, hearing Bellamy call her his girlfriend, watching him smile softly at her, leaning over at her to whisper sweet somethings in her ear, watching her make him laugh and blush a little all made Clarke stand with a jerk, bile rising up her throat. 

“I need to go to the bathroom,” she explained when she saw her friends look at her curiously.

Swiftly making her way there, she locked the door behind her. She stood at the basin staring at herself for the longest while, all the while breathing heavily. 

Shaking her head a while later, she ran the tap and washed her face, rubbing it lightly.

Once she looked back up, she finally said, what she’d been thinking, out loud.

“I’m so screwed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it folks!  
> I realize that the timeline may be confusing. Apologies, I shall give the directions in the chapter notes. However, they’ll be limited to Past: the evolution of and titbits from Bellamy and Clarke’s friendship and Present: the Angsty part.   
> Hope this helps! :)
> 
> Let me know what you think. :)  
>    
> Also, 100+ kudos? I'm stoked!


	10. It's Good to See You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Present - Bellamy and Clarke talk...kind of. (Picked up from Ch. 3 end)  
> Also, is our Bellamy feeling things?  
> *Gasp*

Clarke stood there, frozen, looking into the deep brown eyes that she’d sought comfort in for such long, long time. The eyes that had told her nothing but the truth whenever she’d asked for it. The eyes that she’d dreamt of countless times by now.

They were the same eyes she _wanted_ to look at her with nothing but love in them.

But right now, all she saw was sadness, guilt with a pinch of hesitance in them.

“Bellamy,” she said, hoping for it to be some kind of a magic word that would make him disappear from in front of her eyes at that moment.

“Hey,” he said in his deep, raspy voice. “Coffee and cream cheese bagel? That’s your go-to “wake me up” food.” He tried to joke.

Clarke remained impassive, still trying to wrap her mind around the fact that Bellamy Blake was actually in front of her.

Seeing no reaction from her, Bellamy ran his fingers through his curly, messy hair, exhaling forcefully.

“So, how’ve you been?” he asked looking at her again.

Clarke thought for a moment as to how _the fuck_ she fell for this man in front of her.

_How’ve you been? Did he seriously just ask me how I’ve been?_

_Well, I’m great other than feeling like I just watched my heart get crushed, run over by a car, get mangled in a meat grinder and then was asked to somehow fit what was left of it back in my chest and function normally with it._

_Yup, I’m great._

Bellamy was always amazing to her and others, but even she had to admit, he could be _so_ shallow sometimes.

Clarke blinked, “Uh – good. I’m, um, good.”

“Good, that’s good,” Bellamy said, frowning a little at the awkwardness.

Clarke and Bellamy had had their numerous moments. They had kissed, just a dry peck on the lips that one time when the gang was playing spin the bottle. They’d had the weirdest of conversations, ranging from theories about aliens, the Bermuda Triangle and the concept of reality to talking about erections and menstruation over lunch. They were weird people and they embraced it wholeheartedly. In fact, both of them knew that neither of them would ever find anyone else who understood them they did each other.

However, this time was different. The very shift in their relationship was incredibly evident. There was a tension between them that didn’t exist before. A silent heaviness that was loud enough to drag both their attentions to it.

_This is what I was afraid of._ Bellamy thought.

For the first time in their entire friendship, Bellamy and Clarke were awkward around each other; like they’d forgotten how to talk to each other.

_What if we’re never okay again?_

Harper had told Bellamy that Clarke would be coming to the coffee shop to collect her breakfast and morning coffee but even she’d refused to help him when he’d asked her what he should say to her.

_You have to figure that out for yourself, Bellamy._ Harper had said.

Clarke and Bellamy were weird and crazy people existentially. Emotionally, though, they were people accustomed to compartmentalization. This had only manifested for the better when they met each other. They knew that no matter what, they could talk about their feelings to each other.

Bellamy was chaotic with his emotions. He was like a ticking time bomb, waiting to be explode with words overflowing at a speed only Clarke could keep up with, sometimes he’d lose his temper and sometimes he’d let his thoughts consume him, because he had faith. Even if his emotions caused or were to cause his downfall, he knew that Clarke would always be there to catch him.

Clarke, on the other hand, was not like that. She wasn’t chaotic with her feelings. She was systematic, almost mechanical. Even her guidance manual gave clear instructions: when in deep thought, she was to be left alone and when she was ready, she would talk about it. She needed time to sift through her thoughts and match them with the corresponding emotions to be able to make sense of the situation. Ergo, almost mechanical.

But, then again, this time was different.

This time, there was a wide spectrum of emotions and neither of them knew how to sieve through it. They didn’t know how to deal with it. Clarke didn’t use anger to process her thoughts and Bellamy wasn’t usually calm and collected through a situation such as this.

But this time, the tables had turned.

The previous week had proven that much.

Clarke was angry. Simple.

The man she loved did not love her back. So, she was angry.

At whom? She didn’t know the answer to that question herself.

All she knew was that she was angry. But even she knew better than to take her anger out on Bellamy. She knew that he didn’t love her but she couldn’t blame him for not loving her. Loving Bellamy wasn’t a choice _she_ made, but one her heart made for her. If Bellamy’s heart didn’t reciprocate, how could she blame _him_ for it?

And Bellamy wished for an actual guidance manual to help him help Clarke this time.

Despite the numerous times he’d heard her rant about her heart being broken by people in the past, he’d always been a third party in the scenario. This time, he was an active participant. Heck, he was the reason she was heartbroken.

And even though every bone in his body wished for otherwise, his mind knew better, for it knew that this was the worst heartache that Clarke Griffin had ever experienced.

“What are you doing here?” Clarke asked; her face remaining stoic.

  _This is good. Should I deflect from the awkwardness and try and talk about something else? Or should we talk about this?_ Bellamy thought.

But that’s not Clarke functioned. She knew the tricks that Bellamy used to distract himself from problems. It wouldn’t work on her.

“I was just getting breakfast here myself,” he said with a slight, sad smile. “Would you maybe want to join me?” he asked gently.

“Uh – yeah, sure. Let’s go,” Clarke said.

She was in no way alright, just generally. She was in no mood to be anywhere with anyone. But at the same time, only one thing was enough to persuade her to go with him – It was Bellamy.

_It was Bellamy._

So she walked back towards the coffee shop with him.

He made his way hastily towards the door to hold it open for her. He couldn’t believe that she even agreed to stay there with him.

A part of him was half-expecting her to throw her food and coffee at her dramatically, stomping on his foot out of spite and walking away with a huff. But the other part was sure that she’d agree. Pleasantly surprised, but that part knew, nevertheless, that she’d stay if he asked for one reason only – It was Clarke.

_It was Clarke._

He smiled at her nervously as she walked past him into the coffee shop, a little settled when she gave him a smile of her own. Not really her _smile_ smile, a barely there smile, but a smile nonetheless.

He took the opportunity to wipe the sweat off his hands against his pants and attempted to fix his hair when he stopped for a moment and wondered where the sudden nervousness was coming from. This was Clarke, his best friend. There was nothing to be nervous about.

Making his way next to her at the counter, he placed his order and waited patiently.

Clarke let her gaze travel throughout the coffee shop, but Bellamy’s gaze was fixed on her, studying her closely while his mind was filled with a sudden but singular thought.

_What does this beautiful human see in me to have fallen for me?_

Clarke zapped her gaze over to Bellamy and he swiftly shifted his away. Imagining Clarke looking at him with her blue eyes filled with love sent a warm feeling throughout his chest. Realizing what he was imagining caused his cheeks to heat up a little. When he looked back up, Clarke had a small frown on her face through which Bellamy badly wanted to run a thumb across to smoothen it, but resisted, barely.

Clarke looked toward the counter when Bellamy’s order arrived.

Taking it, they both moved toward the seat by the window. It was her favorite seat in the shop – he knew that.

Taking their seats, he fiddled with the tray that carried his food while Clarke fiddled with the ends of the sleeves of her jumper.

Bellamy gestured towards her food and Clarke unwrapped her take away to take a bite from her bagel and Bellamy dove into his own food.

They ate in silence; neither comfortable nor uncomfortable. It felt like two strangers sharing a table in a coffee shop where every other seat was taken.

Bellamy kept stealing glances at Clarke but she kept her eyes fixed on her food and coffee.

Halfway through their meal, the sun started to shine through the clouds and the rays came into the coffee shop through the window, illuminating the golden in Clarke’s hair and the blue in her eyes, making her pale skin look radiant against the soft rays of the sun.

And just like that, Bellamy forgot how to breathe.

_Had she always been this beautiful?_

_How did I not notice this before?_

_Shit, she looks breathtaking._

He could not remove his eyes from her, having stopped mid-bite to stare at her stupidly.

Clarke noticed him staring and frowned slightly.

“Is there something on my face?” she asked.

_She asked me something, I think._ Bellamy thought.

“What?” he asked dumbly with his mouth half full. Noticing her hands as they mapped her face, trying to find something there, he said, “No, no, you’re perfect,” he blurted.

Clarke’s hand stopped and she looked up to meet his eyes, her own wide in surprise. She licked her lips and he fought the urge to follow the action, keeping her eyes fixed on hers.

Moving on from the semi-awkward moment, they continued eating their food, now both of them stealing glances at each other.

Once they were finished, they both went back to fiddling and actively avoiding each other’s eyes.

Soon, Bellamy couldn’t take it anymore. So he started racking his brains, wondering how to begin a conversation with this beautiful wom – with Clarke.

_Your best friend – Clarke._ He reminded himself.

He knew that an apology would be redundant, borderline pointless, now. He couldn’t say sorry for the truth, either. No matter how much it hurt, he’d rather break her heart now than pretend to love her only to pacify her. But the fact that he’d broken her heart was making breathing very difficult for him, _by the minute_.

So, he decided to just go with it and asked her the first thing that popped into his mind –

“So, global warming, such a bitch, right?” He asked. His and Clarke’s eyes widened the minute the words flew out of his mouth.

_Oh God, now you’ve done it, Blake._ He mentally kicked himself.

What he was met with was not what he was expecting – Clarke burst out laughing, eyes crinkling at the corners. Her melodious and quite loud a laughter filled the space, one of her hands going to her stomach to clutch at the cloth of her jumper while the other went up to the corner of eye, gently wiping the slight collection of moisture there.

“God, you are such a dork,” she laughed out.

Something settled warmly in the pit of Bellamy’s stomach hearing her laughter and her words causing him to smile warmly at her.

Somehow, in that moment, his mind, heart and soul felt at peace when the thought flooded him –

_Yeah, we’ll be okay._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it folks!  
> Was it what you hoped for?  
> If not, I'm on the right track, because I. AM. EVIL.  
> In other words, there will be a full blown confrontation.  
> Just, not yet.
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments! Appreciate the kudos. :)


	11. Will It Ever Get Better?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set in Present.  
> Clarke is coping.  
> Bellamy's still an idiot.  
> And someone new makes an entrance.

Things with Bellamy and Clarke were better, but something in their relationship had fundamentally shifted.

That’s the thing about confessions. When someone pines and keeps their feelings a secret, it is socially believed that it’s the better option; because essentially, it means keeping the dynamics of the relationship intact. Had this been a written rule, then Clarke would've been in violation.

She’d told Bellamy how she felt. And he didn’t feel the same. That was one bitter pill to swallow.

Bellamy felt like he couldn’t talk openly to Clarke yet. And Clarke was still getting used to being around Bellamy.

She hung out with all her friends, regardless of Bellamy’s presence. But she still hadn’t hung out with Bellamy, just the two of them, since that morning in the coffee shop.

All her friends knew _something_ was up with the two of them. Monty, Harper and Raven knew what was up, but the rest of them were still unaware of what had unfurled between the two. However, despite of this, Clarke got sad looks from everyone else – like they knew what she was going through. This hit her hard one night when Murphy gave her that look. Of all of their friends, Murphy was the one friend she thought wouldn’t express pity towards her. However, in the past years of their friendship, Murphy had become the lanky yet protective brother she never had; which was probably why, though nobody knew exactly what had happened, including Murphy, he would sometimes look at her sadly or glare at Bellamy.

He was the one friend who was trying to make things as normal for her as he possibly could. Be it something like yelling, _“Hey!! Griffin’s back!!”_ when she first deemed herself to be okay enough to join her friends on one of their night outs to the moment when on a similar night out she saw Bellamy flirting with a woman at the bar causing her to realize that he does not love her and probably could never love her. Earlier the lack of reciprocity from his end was understandable because they were just friends. But he knew now how she felt; and he still didn’t feel the same. _He didn’t love her._ The realization caused an overwhelming wave of sorrow wash over her. She excused herself from the group and went out back to the alley with tear filled eyes. Murphy had been watching her. He followed her and sat down next to her once he found her there. She didn’t say anything and he didn’t ask. He silently raised an arm for her to fit herself to his side and she did. She cried and he held her. He didn’t bring it up, just asked, “You good?” and left it at that when she nodded in response. He walked back inside after her. When they both saw Bellamy leave the bar with the same woman he’d been flirting with, Murphy kept a comforting hand on her knee and gave a squeeze; translating – _You’re not alone, Grffin. I’m here;_ sentiment clear in the gesture. His hand remained there for the whole night.

Clarke also noticed that her friends, while were unsure of what had happened, were curious. She’d accidentally overheard some conversations between Jasper and Monty:

_“What happened, dude? Just tell me. You’ve never kept secrets from me before.”_

_“Jasper, it’s not my secret to tell.”_

Between Jackson and Harper:

_“Harp, what’s going on with Clarke and Bellamy? Clarke doesn’t smile as much anymore and tenses up when Bellamy shows up and Bellamy thinks his words through before talking whenever Clarke’s around. He's never done that before, especially in front of Clarke. So, what’s going on? Miller’s worried too, you know?”_

_“Jackson, leave it be. When either one of them is ready to share whatever it is you think they’re keeping from us, they will. Till then, just leave them be, especially Clarke, please.”_

Between Miller and Bellamy.

_“So, you ready to talk about it?”_

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”_

_“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”_

_“I really don’t, Miller.”_

_“What’s going on with you and Clarke?”_

_“I’m going to stick with my answer and say – I don’t know what you’re talking about because nothing’s going on with me and Clarke.”_

_“Fine, you wanna be stuck-up? Go for it. But you should know that everyone knows that somethin’s going on with both of you. You still seem fine, but Clarke doesn’t. All of us have a pretty clear idea of what may have happened but we don’t wanna jump to conclusions without hearing anything from you guys first. Also, based on what we all have seen, its way worse for Clarke than it is for you. So fix it before you lose her for good.”_

God, she loved her friends.

Soon, months passed and while the fact that Bellamy didn’t love her still hurt, it didn’t hurt as much. The rational part of her had thought that over the months, she’d have moved on from him completely, but nope, that did not happen. She still loved him, she was still in love with him, very much so. But the pain of being in love with him had become bearable. When he smiled at her, her heart still jumped, but it didn’t bleed when she saw him talk to another woman with ulterior motives. It made her happy that they still had their movie nights to look forward to, but she didn’t hold back from having some fun of her own without Bellamy.

Clarke’s heart was broken. But she didn’t shy away from every opportunity she got to fix it. She hung out with her girls, they had drinks, and they took her out to introduce her to new people. Clarke was beginning to think that they were actually writing a manual: How To Be A Wing Woman for Your Bisexual Female Friend _(damn, that’s a mouthful)_ ; because her friends brought out all that they had. And while Clarke loved her friends for it, truth was that she simply wasn’t looking for a relationship. With her luck, first Finn, then a fling namely Luna, who she couldn’t bring herself to develop feelings for and now Bellamy, Clarke was starting to think she was cursed.

What Clarke didn’t know was, her already upturned life was about take another gigantic turn.

“Hey guys! This is Emori and her roommate Echo,” Raven introduced them to the group one night when all of them were at the bar.

Emori had apparently started working alongside Raven, and their love for aeronautics had kick-started their friendship. Echo was however, a silent type. She spoke, but only when asked to. She wasn’t quiet, more reserved. She was like the female version of Miller. Maybe.

Echo was an architect and she said she liked her job. That was how much she’d spoken to the group. With conversation buzzing around her, Clarke took a moment to sit back and just observe her surroundings. She noticed that Murphy was taken by the charm that Emory carried with her. He usually flirted with women on a regular basis, but the way in which he was talking to Emory itself was enough to tell her that he was genuinely interested in her.

When her eyes moved on to Bellamy, however, she saw that his gaze was fixed on Echo. When she shifted her gaze to Echo, she saw the mild blush on her cheeks as she shyly tucked a stray lock of her brown hair behind her ear.

 _Please, no._ Clarke involuntary wished.

Again, the logical part of her only wanted Bellamy to be happy. But having him not date anyone when she was trying to heal was a selfish, yet comforting thought.

Sure enough, three weeks later, Bellamy announced it to the group that Echo and he were dating. She saw Miller shake his head in disappointment for a second before he schooled his features. Bellamy kissed Echo when she arrived to join them an hour later.

Clarke smiled the whole time for his sake, but her heart was drowning in the pain that it should’ve been used to by now.

 

Bellamy and Echo had been dating for seven weeks. Clarke thought that they may even fall in love and have a happily ever after. While a part of her was still sinking in the sorrow of not having him to herself, another part of her was happy that Bellamy was happy. And the latter part was bigger. Clarke knew then, that she had started to let it go. 

She was comfortably deep in thought while she waited for her friends at the bar one evening when all of them entered after Raven.

“Come on, it’s not that big a deal!” Raven exclaimed as she slid into her seat. “Hey, Grif,” she said with a smile.

“Inviting coworkers is one thing Rae, but inviting your _boss_ is another!” Murphy screamed taking a moment to press a kiss to Clarke’s hair.

“What’s going on?” Clarke asked.

“Our friend who we consider to be a genius just did something exponentially dumb,” Monty said.

“She invited her boss to drink with us”, Harper explained, seemingly okay with situation, but still a little stiff.

“I like her, but come on man, not enough to have drinks with her,” Emori pitched in.

Bellamy and Echo kept quiet and the tension against Raven increased.

Feeling the need to defend Raven, Clarke said, “That’s sweet of you to want to include your boss with us, Rae; and come on you guys, it can’t be that bad,” she said smiling comfortingly at Raven.

She missed the way Bellamy softly looked at her.

“Clarke, I know you’re trying to pacify Rae and we aren’t attacking her either, even though we totally are, you don’t know Anya,” Emori said. “She’s a badass, but she’s also a hardass. In the time that Raven and I have been working for her, we’ve never seen her smile. I doubt she even knows what fun means.”

“Come on, you guys. She said that she would bring her sister with her. So maybe she’ll be a buffer or something,” Raven tried to reason.

“You better hope for it, Reyes,” Emori glared at Raven.

Conversation flowed again within their group when suddenly, Raven got a text.

“Well, your wish came true, Em. Anya bailed but she says that her sister is here. I think I should go get her from up front since she doesn’t know what any of us besides me looks like.”

With that Raven left and missed Emory’s _Thank God_.

Clarke was content in that moment with her friends around. She’d even moved on from the bitterness she felt watching Bellamy be with someone else. For what it was worth, Bellamy and Echo looked happy together. She was looking softly at her beer when she heard Raven’s voice once again.

“Guys, this is Lexa Woods, Anya’s sister,” she said with a smile.

When Clarke shifted her eyes to look at Lexa, she saw bright green eyes already looking at her. Under Lexa’s intense gaze, Clarke couldn’t help but blush.

Harper opened her mouth to say hello but Lexa beat her to it.

“Hi, I’m Lexa,” she said stretching her hand towards Clarke to shake.

Clarke looked up at her again, glanced at her hand and then at all her friends; they were wearing matching smirks on their faces sans Bellamy who looked irritated. Echo hadn’t noticed.

Nevertheless, Clarke smiled up at Lexa, taking her hand, “I’m Clarke, nice to meet you,” she said.

“Indeed it is,” Lexa said, bowing her head to give her hand a kiss and smiling brightly at her.

Gazing into her eyes and feeling an unfamiliar heat coil in her belly, Clarke knew that something big was coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it!  
> Let me know what you think in the comments. :)
> 
>  
> 
> With Lexa's incoming, I'd like to set a few things straight:  
> NO SHIP WARS.  
> Both Bellarke and Clexa have their own charms, but at the end of the day, they shall remain what they are, i.e. a work of fiction. Please treat it as such when you're commenting.  
> Having said that, I do understand that a lot of you hold either both ships or one of them very close to your heart and to you, I can say only one thing: I will try to do them justice. 
> 
> P.S. - No, Lexa won't be the bad guy here.
> 
> P.P.S. - Lots of you are expressing your dislike and disdain towards Bellamy. That only means one thing: this chapter is getting exactly the reaction I'd hoped for. For all your expectations that are being let down, worry not people, tables are about to turn drastically.  
> And Bellamy will be bashed, for there has to be something that either balances his behavior or someone that reprimands it.


	12. Karma's a Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy POV of the previous chapter.

Bellamy didn’t love Clarke. She loved him and he knew it. But he didn’t love her back. And that was okay. He and Clarke were fine. They were hanging out more and more since the night she told him how she felt about him. And okay, they hadn’t hung out just the two of them since the morning at the café, but still, they were fine.

_They were fine._

Bellamy Blake chanted this mantra to himself every morning; first thing after he woke up.

His friendship with Clarke meant the world to him. His family aside, she was his favorite person. Heck, Miller had once told him ever since Octavia had found Lincoln and Bellamy had finally been comfortable with their relationship, that there was no doubt that Clarke was number one on his list of prioritized people.

Which is why, he tried to tell himself everyday that everything was fine.

Because he _knew_ that they weren’t.

At least, not exactly.

Things may have been getting better, but they weren’t per se fine.

He felt like he was walking on eggshells around Clarke. He didn’t know how to talk to her without unconsciously hurting her feelings or maybe triggering them. He didn’t want to be too cold and make her think that he didn’t care about her anymore, but he also didn’t want to overly sweet with her and possibly lead her on.

What? O made him watch chick flicks with her growing up, okay?

But Clarke, he sighed as he thought about the woman who had seemed to make her home in his head these days. He thought about countless things every day. But Clarke was the one thing that never left. Even when he was focused on something pressing, Clarke was always tucked in a corner, not paid attention to but forever present in his mind.

She was everything to him. He loved her; just not _like that_.

And God, that was so difficult to deal with.

While Monty understood and kept his feelings about their situation to himself, Raven and Harper weren’t so subtle about it. They often threw glances and knowing looks at him whenever he talked to Clarke or even looked at Clarke. Murphy was the worst though. He straight up glared at him.

While having Murphy be mad at him was unnerving, it was oddly sweet that he had Clarke’s back.

Things between Clarke and Bellamy was like an unpredictable weather right now. No clue of whether the cloudy skies would go “gotcha suckers” and shine sunlight through them, or whether they would unleash the worst storm of Bellamy’s life.

He’d lost a lot of people in his life.

He couldn’t afford to lose Clarke. He simply wouldn’t survive.

When Miller asked him about it and Bellamy was caught off guard.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about because nothing’s going on with me and Clarke,” he’d told him.

 _Isn’t there?_ He willed the voice in his head to shut up.

When Miller told him that he had to fix it before he lost her for good gave him the wake-up call that he needed.

 _But what could he do?_ He thought to himself.

He showed up at her apartment the next night with a movie and Thai takeout in hand asking slyly,  _dinner for two?_ He breathed a sigh of relief when she welcomed him with a small smile.

Her actions around him were also calculated, he observed. She wouldn’t smile her smile. The smile that was meant for him. It took a while for them to reach there.

When all of them hung out, there were moments he could tell that she was staring at him. He didn’t need to look up and find her eyes. He could feel them.

When this happened just the two of them, he would mostly will himself to keep his eyes on the screen or keep his nose buried in whichever book he’d be reading.

But when it happened while they were all together in a bar, his _terrible decision making skills_ pushed him to do stuff like chat up a pretty woman; all the while thinking –

_Please look away._

_I don’t deserve your love._

_Look at someone who would look at you the same way._

At such moments, the voice in his head would go, _don’t you look at her the same way too?_

And hearing that voice say such things would make him to stupider things like kiss the woman he’s talking to, just because.

 _What an idiot_ , the voice had said as he took yet another woman home with him, while his head was flooded by the thoughts of a particular blonde.

 

When Raven first told him that she and Harper were trying to get Clarke to go out with other people, something inside of him pricked.

He ignored it.

He told her that it was awesome that Clarke was bouncing back.

Yet, he was secretly pleased whenever Raven or Miller told him that Clarke still hadn’t found anybody.

When he met Echo, he thought only one thing – _she’s totally my type._

She liked him and he kind of liked her. She was cool.

Although he and Echo had fun, the sex was alright and they did have some similarities – they liked to compete as to who could kick whose ass at Mario Kart – he didn’t feel _it._

There was something missing in his relationship with Echo.

Six weeks later after they got together, one night, he watched her sleep. She was on her back, face turned the other way. Bellamy was on his side, head balanced on his palm that was help up by his elbow. He mildly dozed off for splits second and jerked awake the next. The disappointment that washed over him when he realized that the woman in bed with him wasn’t blonde was earth shattering for him.

He lay on his back; eyes wide when he finally understood what his voice, what everyone around him had been trying to tell him. He finally allowed himself to shut the fuck up and listen to the voice one more time.

 _Maybe you do like her,_ like that. It told him.

Bellamy couldn’t sleep a wink after that night.

He found that realizing that you _maybe, possibly, could_ have feelings for your best friend was like trying to swallow a huge rock.

It was physically difficult for accept it.

He even sympathized with Clarke.

 _She was in love with me and still stood in front of me only a week after I rejected her (#respect) while here I am being chicken about this whole thing._ He thought.

Ever since he acknowledged his _possible_ sentiments about Clarke, he thought himself to be an even bigger dick. Because –

  1. He was dating someone he didn’t have feelings for.
  2. He rejected the girl who truly, wholeheartedly loved him.
  3. He now realized that he had feelings for said girl and that his friends were still trying to set her up with people.



In other words, he was a mess. (A/N: Understatement, really)  

You see, he only now realized that he had feelings for a friend whose love he’d already rejected. Now, he was with another woman who seemed to like him too but he couldn’t tell her that he liked her back because he didn't, or even look at her the same way again ever since his revelation. He may have been thinking of ways to let her down so that he could process the multitude of feelings he was feeling. The worst one was the fact that two of his friends were spontaneously trying to get Clarke to fuck other people. A stretch but come on, give the guy a break. He just realized he likes her.

He was chicken, plain and simple. He was too chicken to break up with Echo and too chicken to tell Clarke how he felt.

He dealt with it, or at least tried to whenever he heard Raven or Harper point out a person to Clarke for her to hit on. Her _nah_ or _I didn’t really hit it off_ _with them_ made him feel better – which made him feel like an even bigger dick! He was too chicken to do anything about his feelings but reveled in knowing that Clarke was alone.

His world flipped when _fucking Lexa_ showed up.

She was a nice woman, in general. But she had her eyes on the wrong person. She was supposed to bang one of the people Raven had picked for Clarke, not Clarke. But _fucking Lexa_ kept giving Clarke the goo-goo eyes, sometimes even switched them from the soft to the lust-filled eyes to make a lasting impression.

And, oh, did it! Clarke was blushing. _Blushing._

He tried to keep his face impassive as he saw Lexa moon over Clarke.

But nope, watching someone hit on his girl hurt. It felt a little like karma, if he was being honest.

But what hurt the most was when a few nights later, when the gang met up for drinks, Clarke showed up with a huge grin on her face and a hickey on her neck.

All of what was left of Bellamy's confidence left right then. Because before that day, he knew that Lexa liked Clarke. But knowing that Clarke liked her back felt way worse. 

He knew in that moment that it indeed was karma.

And he knew what people said about karma - it's a bitch.

And, oh God, weren't they right? 

Because it hurt. Like hell.

At that moment, a single thought floated around in his mind.

_Welcome to the flip side. It sucks._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it!  
> As always, let me know what you think in the comments! 
> 
> PS - While their relationships are going to be an integral part of the narrative, Lexa and Echo won't be making THAT MUCH of an appearance in the fic. But the effects will be there. Oh, trust me, they will be there.  
> PPS - Time to torture Bellamy a little, won't you agree?


	13. Fucking Hangnail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some realizations happen.  
> Bellamy and Clarke talk - not about them, though.

Bellamy was legit struggling now. His feelings or whatever for Clarke were getting stronger and more intense each time they met, and so was the longing he felt when they were apart.

At first he thought that maybe this was all temporary. That thing people talk about in stupid rom-coms – one thinking that they’ve fallen for someone, when in reality it’s just the insecurity that the person they really cared about had found someone else, i.e. the fear of being replaced convincing them that they’re in love.

Bellamy thought it was simple case of just that.

But lately, he wasn’t sure.

He still hadn’t said it out loud. 

Their lives were becoming entangled in the length of Rapunzel’s hair and Bellamy was having a hard time looking for comb to detangle it.

But that was the thing.

 _Their_ lives weren’t entangled. His was.

Despite the pain and suffering Clarke went through, her life seemed good now. She told him how she felt – he turned her down – she suffered – and now, she seemed alright, happy, even.

But for Bellamy, it was a whole different process.

Clarke told him how she felt – he turned her down – he hooked up with different woman _and_ went on to date Echo knowing fairly well that it would hurt Clarke in doing so – he realized that he had feelings or whatever for her – and now, he was stuck in feelings for one woman and in a relationship with another woman. And yet, in the mess that was Bellamy’s life, the aforementioned wasn’t even on the list of the worst things to have happened to him.

The worst feeling was that Clarke was moving on. In front of him.

He had to watch Clarke move on.

And that hurt like the dickens.

The question was: how to deal with everything without hurting someone?

Breaking up with Echo meant hurting her, but then so did staying with Echo.

Telling Clarke meant hurting Clarke, most probably making her angry in the process; who wouldn't be if they found out that the person they pined for and went on to confess their feelings to now, after moving on from them, feels the same way?

Telling Clarke would also mean hurting Clarke's chances of being happy with Lexa. While he didn't really care about Lexa, he didn't want to jeopardize Clarke's happiness.

And keeping his mouth shut meant hurting himself. 

_What to do?_

He knew that he had to break up with Echo. Being in a relationship with someone who had feelings for someone else wasn’t, heck isn’t, fair to anyone. He learnt that from Clarke when she’d told him in detail just how much it hurt knowing that the person she thought she was falling for already had a girlfriend.

But a slightly selfish part of him didn’t want to let Echo go. Because Clarke had someone now, he didn’t want to be lonely in the face of it.

 _Come on, Blake! Get a grip! Don’t be an asshole._ His mind reminded him.

Yeah, yeah, he knew that he had to break up with Echo. It wasn’t fair to her. 

So, he did. He broke up with her and she took it pretty well for someone who seemed as into him as she did.

“I knew we had an expiration date, Bellamy,” she said. “I mean, I like you, a lot, but something tells me that you don’t like me as much as I imagine,” she said with a knowing look.

Bellamy felt uncomfortable under her gaze.

“Well, I should leave, can you put everything that I may have left in your place in a box and I can come and collect it later,” she said.

He nodded.

“At least one good thing came out of this relationship,” she said as she got up from her seat.

Bellamy looked up to meet her eyes, curiosity filled in them.

_How can she think there’s a silver lining to this?_

“At least now you know that you’re in love with Clarke,” Echo said with a smile which was only somewhat sad; as though indicating that while breaking up with Bellamy made her sad, the fact that he was in love with a woman like Clarke made the pain bearable for her.

At Bellamy’s dumbstruck _what the fuck are you talking about_ look, she only snorted and said, “You look at her like she hung the moon in the sky, you talk to her as if that’s your very first priority every day and by the way, you talk in your sleep. The name ‘Clarke’ features a lot when you do,” Echo said, this time with a genuinely sad smile.

Bellamy looked at her with wide eyes and a slightly dropped jaw, guilt visible plain as day.

“I’m so sorry, Echo. You deserve better than me,” he said lowering his gaze.

“Better than you? I don’t think that’s true. But yes, I do deserve someone who can return my feelings,” she said with a friendly smile this time.

“But you know what?” she asked making Bellamy look at her, again in curiosity.

“So do you. You deserve someone who looks at you the way you look at Clarke,” she said with a smile and turned to walk away.

Deciding to let him in on a secret, she stopped in her tracks, turned to him and said, “Because the person you look at with nothing but love in your eyes looks at you the exact same way. You’re lucky, Bellamy. Don’t mess it up,” she said squaring her shoulders.

She turned again but stopped again, feeling the need to make a point.

“Also, Bellamy?” a pause. “Never call me again,” she said with ease.

“Noted,” said Bellamy with a sheepish smile.

 

_Could it be possible?_

_Could Clarke still like me?_

_But Raven has been ranting about how she’s envious of Clarke’s sex life. (barf)_ He actually cringed at that particular thought. 

There was only one way to find out.

With that, Bellamy headed in the direction of Clarke’s apartment, a strong determination pumping in his veins.

 

He raised his hand to knock on the door, but was overpowered by a sudden wave of nervousness.

He closed his eyes and let out a strong, huffed sigh. He moved a little to the right and leant his head on the wall next to Clarke’s door in the hallway.

“Come on, man. You can’t chicken out now. You’ve been one for long enough now,” he murmured to himself.

Raising his head, he breathed in sharply as though trying to suck all the confidence from the air, filling his lungs and turned towards her door again.

He knocked thrice in a beat.

“You can do this,” he murmured to himself again when he heard footsteps from the other side.

“Yeah! I know,” is what he heard come out in Clarke’s voice in laughter when the door flung open.

Bellamy stared at her for the longest time, his emotions in confliction – falling in love with her smile for the nth time but hating the fact that he wasn’t the one to cause it.

“Hey,” he whispered and waved slightly with a smile.

She motioned for him to come inside and said into her phone, “Hey Lexa, can I call you back?”

 _So that’s who she’s talking to._ Bellamy thought bitterly.

“Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said with a smile before hanging up.

“Hey, Bellamy,” she said with an easy smile, she looked at ease.

“What’s tomorrow?” Bellamy asked, needing to know.

Clarke seemed oblivious of Bellamy’s irked demeanor and said with a wide smile, “Oh! Lexa and I are going out to try that new silent restaurant that’s opened. She’s quite an adventurous eater.”

 _I can be an adventurous eater too._ He thought.

But he swallowed his thoughts and gave her a tight smile and said, “That sounds great.”

“Well, anyway, you’re here now, so what do you say, Netflix and chill?” she said wiggling her eyebrows.

_God, she’s so cute._

_And yes, I would_ love _to Netflix and chill with you._

_Ahem, ahem, down boy._

“Sure,” Bellamy said with an easy smile.

She chose what they were going to watch while Bellamy fixed them two bowls of ice cream; hers with whipped cream and his with sprinkles.

“Yum,” she said making a delectable sound while taking her bowl from his hand.

But he could see her fidget with her cell phone. She was distracted and so was he.

She was distracted by something and he was distracted by her.

Irritated, he paused the movie they were watching and asked Clarke, “What’s going on with you?”

She only shrugged, continuing to play with her cell phone.

“Clarke,” he said in a warning tone. “You’re well familiar with our ‘no cell phone during Netflix and chill rule,” he reminded her. Heck, she was the one who came up with it.

“I’m sorry,” she said sheepishly. “I’ll stop.” She put her phone away and leaned to press play only to have her hand grabbed by Bellamy.

“Hey, come on, what’s going on? Talk to me,” he said gently.

She chewed on her lip as if she was debating whether she could share or not.

The thought was slightly offending to Bellamy.

“Hey, I’m your best friend, you know you can tell me anything,” he probed, remaining gentle.

“Yeah, I know that, Bellamy. But since you’re asking, here you go, I’m nervous. Not about tomorrow, or any further dates that we may have. It’s just _her_. Lexa. Lexa makes me nervous. And yeah, you’re my best friend but you’re also the guy that I was trying to move on from just about a month ago. It’s weird talking about the girl I have a crush on to the guy I was in love with,” she finished with a huff.

_Fuck._

The words “guy I was in love with” whirled in his head like a tornado.

_Was._

_Shit._

_Fuck._

_Fucking shit._

_She’s not in love with me_ anymore.

Bellamy felt like he’d been thrown from a fifty story building, then carried back up again only to be thrown down again.

And in that moment, Echo’s words echoed in his brain: _At least now you know that you’re in love with Clarke._

In that moment, he understood what being in love meant. Being in love meant wading through absolute, shittiest crap if it meant watching the person you love smile. And he knew that he could’ve had that easily had he said “I love you, too” to Clarke _that_ night. But he still stood by his decision. He didn’t love her then. He does now. Things may have ended badly had he lied to her then. But what would’ve been a lie back then is now the purest truth of Bellamy’s existence. He loves Clarke.

But he’s caused her enough pain.

He can’t tell her how he feels.

So, he’s going to do the only right thing that there is.

He’s going to swallow the pain (like she did) and listen to her talk about the woman she’s dating (like she did).

He’s going to sit there and take the pain just like she did.

He realized that he’d been looking at his lap with a hint of a sad smile on his face.

He wished Clarke hadn’t noticed it.

He looked up at her with a smile filled with love, _for her_ and said, “You’re right. It’s weird. But it’s okay. It’s you and me; Clarke and Bellamy. We can figure it out. Don’t be weirded out because you want to gush about your budding relationship (the word caused his throat to tighten) with her (he couldn’t bring himself to even say her name). If you want to talk about it, then I want to hear about it,” he said tucking  a stray lock of her hair behind her ear.

The action caused Clarke’s cheeks to redden only so little and she ducked her face.

Bellamy thought it was thinking about Lexa that was causing her to blush. His already tightened throat tightened more. Any more and he’d have to be intubated.

_No, Blake. You can breathe._

_As long as she’s smiling, you can breathe._

Clarke began talking about Lexa with exaggerated hand movements and an excited grin on her face.

Bellamy was picking on the skin on his hands when he pulled extra hard on a preexisting hangnail. He hissed in pain.

“Oh, my God, what’s wrong?” Clarke asked, all thoughts of Lexa forgotten.

“Nothing, just a fucking hangnail,” Bellamy groaned.

“When you know you have one, why on earth would you pick on it?” Clarke asked as she got up to go into her bedroom. He heard a faint  _such an idiot_ which brought a smile to his face. 

She came back to the living room with a small nail cutter in hand. She took Bellamy’s hand gently in her own and got to work.

Bellamy lost himself in the look of her. The way her hair was framing her face, the way concentrating on something brought a pout on those soft, pink lips and that mole above her upper lip. Bellamy almost leaned in slightly to get the scent of her when he gathered himself and leaned back.

Clearing his throat, he said, “You really like her, don’t you?”

Looking up at him, she thought about it for a moment before answering, “Yeah. I think I might even fall in love with her,” she said with a soft look on her face.

In that moment the torn hangnail didn’t hurt nearly as much as his chest did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it!  
> No more asshole/idiotic Bellamy.  
> But he shall pine. 
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments. :)


	14. Like a Heart Monitor, It Goes Down and Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title actually gives the summary.  
> It goes down - really down, before it goes up.  
> I apologize in advance.

It’d been two weeks since he broke up with Echo.

Two weeks of being the perfect best friend to Clarke; being the best friend she deserved. Holding her when she cried watching movies or TV shows on Netflix, arguing with her - telling her that she’d definitely be a Slytherin when she thought that she’d be a Ravenclaw instead, and laughing with her whenever she made a joke or at their friends. Two weeks of him simply being there for her.

Being in love with Clarke had taken Bellamy by surprise. Because in his mind, at first it just a plain crush which may have grown into an attraction; come on, his best friend was attractive.

But the realization that he _loved_ her was a monumental weight to carry.

Don’t get him wrong. Clarke was great. She was amazing.

_She was everything._

It was having to watch the person he loved be with someone else that was painful for Bellamy.

But that wasn’t nearly as tormenting as having to hear about it.

Bellamy had been keeping the storm of emotions that he was feeling on an everyday basis inside of him.

Bellamy supposed that this was what older people meant when they said that one should take the time to tell the people they love that they love them. Maybe what they mean isn’t that time isn’t enough and that life is too short. Maybe, what they mean is that if they didn’t love them, someone else would come along and would give that person the love that they deserve, and that it wouldn’t take long for them to find them.  

None of his friends knew what was going on with him. Monty and Miller had asked him on multiple occasions if something was bothering him, and Raven had called him a ‘depressed bastard’ one evening, and O just gave him sad, knowing looks. As if she could feel what he was feeling too (He never wanted her to feel the way he was feeling). He hadn’t told them anything.

But he was seriously questioning as to how long he’d be able to keep it all together.

He’d noticed that over the past week, aside from Raven and Jasper, most of his friends had dialed down their curiosity to know about Clarke’s relationship with Lexa. Besides those two, the others kept their questions minimum and tried to discreetly change the topic of discussion. When they succeeded, Bellamy felt at ease, even if it was ever so slight.

But he didn’t miss the looks he got from everyone, like they were waiting for him to open up and talk. But Bellamy couldn’t do that.

It all came down one evening.

Nothing out of the ordinary happened. It was just the lot of them hanging out at the bar and talking with each other and around one another. Octavia was talking about her most recent trip with Lincoln. Raven was gushing about Shaw’s latest achievement in his absence. Monty and Miller were talking to each other, both of them holding Harper’s and Jackson’s hands respectively. Murphy was watching Emori talk to Harper with heart eyes and Lexa was leaning into Clarke to whisper something in her ear, making her smile shyly.

Until the conversation moved on to the topic of couples between them. Everyone gushed as to how Monty and Miller would make an amazing couple – Jackson deeming Monty as the only worthy replacement. Emori said she that it was a fantasy for her to watch John _get with a man_ , and went on to unsubtly throw a glance at Bellamy. That was the moment that Jasper decided to yell slurred words with his trademark enthusiasm, “I always thought that Bellamy would end up with Clarke! Hey Lexa, did you know that we call Bellamy dad, but when these two team up, Clarke becomes our mom.” He started laughing at his own words.

Everyone froze for a second before the table filled with nervous laughter, trying to make the setting a little less awkward.

Raven continued laughing sheepishly and said, “Only you call Bellamy dad, Jas.”

Monty tried to engage Lexa in a conversation about her job after that.

Bellamy froze at his words and shifted his gaze towards Lexa, who seemed weirded out at first but once she was talking to Monty, seemed unfazed.

His gaze moved to Clarke.

Her eyes were already on him.

His breath caught and seemingly time stopped for him.

It was like having a conversation with no words.

She looked at him and he looked at her.

The rest of the world around them didn’t matter.

That was until Lexa tapped on Clarke’s shoulder and said something that made her smile, _again._

Bellamy clenched his jaw. He couldn’t take it anymore.

He finished his beer as fast as he could, got up and left, telling everyone that he had to take care of something.

As soon as he stepped outside, the cold air hit his face and he felt like going back in to drown in the scent that was Clarke.

But he couldn’t do that. He walked a bit before he found a bench on the sidewalk near a subway station. He buried his face in his hands and began to tremble as tears fell wordlessly from his eyes.

He felt a hand on his back, rubbing soothingly, and he let out an audible sob.

“I’m in love with her, O,” he cried out.

“No shit, Sherlock,” the voice said, causing him to look up.

There was someone there to comfort him, but it was the last person he thought would come for him.

He saw Murphy’s somber face, looking at him like _I get it, dude_.

He sat down next to him and waited for Bellamy to speak.

“I thought you hated me. For what I did to Clarke,” he said wiping his nose with his handkerchief.

Murphy looked at him with a frown and said, “Look, I don’t know what shit went down between you two, but all I know is that that girl loves you more than anything in the world and you were behaving like an A grade asshole. Picking up all those women and showing off your love for Echo in front of Clarke? What the fuck is wrong with you, man?”

“I never loved Echo,” Bellamy thought it best to clarify that first. “And I know I haven’t been the greatest of all guys, but I only did that thinking it would push Clarke away. Make her move on,” he explained.

“Yeah, well, you succeeded at that for sure, but not before making her cry the way you are right now,” he said with a hint of anger in his voice.

Bellamy looked at Murphy with nothing but guilt and curiosity in his eyes, like he needed to know when Clarke had cried because of him.

Understanding his need to know Murphy said, “You were picking up some random chick at the bar. Clarke saw. She cried but don’t worry, she wasn’t alone. I was there.”

Bellamy looked apologetic but knew that Murphy wasn’t the one he needed to apologize to.

He just said, “Thanks for looking out for her, man,” and left it at that.

Murphy replied, “No sweat.”

After a few moments, Murphy asked, “Are you going to tell her?”

Bellamy looked straight on ahead, bit his lower lip and shook his head.

He heard Murphy sigh next to him.

“Come on, let me take you home, Blake,” Murphy said.

“Is that an offer, Murphy? Emori isn’t around for her to enjoy it, though,” Bellamy said with what he wished was a smirk.

“Please, you can’t handle this,” Murphy said motioning his hands to himself. “You’d die before we’d get through round one.”

Bellamy shook his head fondly and got up.

Murphy put and arm around his shoulder and walked back home with him.

 

Two more weeks later Miller gave him a heads up that the guys minus Jackson were coming to their place. Bellamy didn’t ask any questions, only nodded and set up the X Box.

Murphy, Monty and Jasper walked in with a shit-ton of alcohol and Murphy said, “Screw video games. Tonight, we go big.”

Bellamy had prided himself in having an above average drinking threshold. It was pretty difficult to get him get drunk, and when he did get drunk he stopped talking altogether in order to not face embarrassing situations later on. God knew the dirt Octavia had on him due that very reason.

But before that, Bellamy had never been in love, not like this anyway.

Getting drunk made you crazy.

Being in love made you stupid.

Hence, people made stupid ass crazy decisions when they were in love and under the influence.

While Bellamy was clever enough to wait until all the guys were drop-dead drunk to execute his stupid ass crazy decision, he was drunk enough to actually go through with it.

He stumbled through to his bedroom and closed the door.

He whipped out his phone, found her contact and pressed the call button.

 

The next morning, Bellamy woke up with a jolt. His head hurt, like someone was ringing a church bell, only it wasn’t a bell, it was his brain. He had a stale taste in his mouth and he had sweat like a pig in the t-shirt that he was wearing from last night.

He got up and went to the bathroom to freshen up and take a shower. He felt way better. It was only when he’d come to that state that he realized that there was a glass of water and two aspirins on his bedside table.

_Huh._

_Was that there already?_

_Maybe it was Miller._

He drained the glass before going out to check on the others.

Surprisingly, the house was empty and very clean.

_This is weird._

_Did I imagine last night?_

He went to the kitchen, his brain still only somewhat awake and he put his glass of water in the sink.

He turned to make himself a cup of coffee and turned but stopped dead on his tracks when he turned around and saw that the couch was taken.

By Clarke.

Clarke Griffin was sleeping on his couch.

_What the hell was going on?_

He dropped the kettle on the kitchen island a little too loudly and Clarke jolted awake too.

“Ow,” she complained as her hand went to massage her neck. “Your couch sucks,” she said with a pout.

Bellamy was still frozen but his tiredness had left his body the second he saw her there.

“What are you doing here, Clarke?” he asked.

Clarke looked at him inquisitively, and asked, “How much do you remember?”

“I remember the guys came home last night wanting to get drunk off our asses and I remember passing out, ergo my question, what you doing here and where are the guys? I would shrug this off as a probable dream but my pounding head begs to differ,” Bellamy said.

“I asked the guys to leave this morning when I came here. I wanted to talk to you and thought it best if we talked alone,” Clarke said, playing with the hem of her t-shirt.

She looked up at him.

“Do you not remember anything else?” She asked gently.

“No, I don’t. Look, Clarke, clearly I did something or said something, so why don’t you just come out and tell me?” Bellamy said, growing frustrated each minute.

Clearly it couldn’t be that bad, right?

He watched Clarke take cell phone from the couch.

“Well, you called me last night. I’d put my phone on silent mode before I went to sleep. When I woke up I had a voicemail. From you,” she said.

Bellamy was already dreading it, every bone in his body asking her to stop when her finger moved to press play. But he realized that there was no point, she’d already heard it. It was he who had forgotten.

The next moment his drunken voice filled the living room.

_“Heyy, Claarke. The boys are here and they’re tryin’ to get me drunk. *laughs* I think it worked. But shh, it’s a secret. *Grunts* Arrghh I forgot why I called you. Oh! Yeah! I had to tell you something. I had to tell you that I love you. *giggles slowly* I love you, Clarke Griffin. I’m in love with you. Stupidly. And I wanna marry you and have at least a million babies with you, princesses and rebel kings, but we can discuss that later, since you’ll be the one carrying them. I don’t want you to be in a lot of pain.*Silence for a few seconds* You remember that floral dress you were wearing the first time I saw you? I imagine proposing to you with you in it. And I know that I’m an asshole sayin these things to you, but I don’t fuckin care anymore, Clarke. Because I love you. And I cannot live without you. So say you love me back so that it hurts a little less, please. Because it hurts all the time now, my chest. *Silence for a few seconds* What was I saying? Oh! Yeah. *in a dreamy voice* I love you, Clarke Griffin, and I’m gonna marry you one day._

Beep.

 

Bellamy was frozen in his spot.

Nothing but the sound of his and Clarke’s breathing filling the living room.

All of a sudden, he heard Clarke’s voice, “What the hell, Bellamy?”

“I – uh – I,” Bellamy stammered.

“Don’t even think about lying to me. The voicemail was clear in itself. I just wanted to come here and ask you myself,” she said and gave him some time to process it.

Bellamy looked at her and saw that there were bags under her eyes – meaning she must’ve been up for quite some time last night. Before he could stop himself he asked, “Did you sleep at all last night?”

“That’s not the point, Bellamy,” Clarke said. “I want answers.”

Bellamy sighed and went to sit down on the couch, leaving space for Clarke in case she wanted to sit down. But judging by her stance, she did not look like she wanted to.

He looked up at her after a few moments and said, “What do you wanna know?”

“Did you mean it?”

“Yes.” He didn’t even wait. He looked her in the eye and said it.

“How long?”

Bellamy ran his hand through his hair. “Since Echo, I think.”

Clarke looked angry. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I realized that I had feelings for you after I started dating her. I was conflicted. I was sure that what I felt for you was only a dumb crush and that I was only going to hurt you and Echo if I acted on it back then. So, I kept quiet.”

He breathed heavily and continued.

“But then, you started going out with Lexa. And what I felt for you…instead of going away, it only increased in intensity, and I…I broke up with Echo, knowing it wasn’t fair to her. And now…” he trailed off.

“And now?” Clarke asked with what Bellamy thought was hope in her voice.

He looked up and saw her glassy eyes. In that moment he could see that that was the way she looked at him. That was the way she’d always looked at him.

Again, Echo’s words filled his head: _The person you look at with nothing but love in your eyes looks at you the exact same way._

But his insecurities got the best of him.

Here was a woman asking him if he loved her and he couldn’t say it. A part of him was convinced that he didn’t deserve her love. And he couldn’t jeopardize her shot at finding someone who was ready to love her back.

“And now what, Bell?” Clarke probed.

“What do you want me to say, Clarke?” Bellamy asked in frustration. “Do you want me to tell you that I love you? That lately I find it difficult to breathe without you? That when you leave a room, I become fidgety, waiting for you to come back and that holding you, making you laugh, heck, meeting you altogether has been the greatest privilege of my life? Is that what you want to hear?” He screamed.

“Only if it’s the truth,” Clarke said gently.

Bellamy was flabbergasted.

_How did I not see her before?_

“No, Clarke. You deserve better. Better than me. You told me you loved me and I broke your heart. I selfishly asked you stay friends with me and couldn’t even give you more than a week to heal. I dated other people in front of you and I probably hurt you more than Finn ever did. You shouldn’t look at me like that. You deserve better,” Bellamy pleaded.

Clarke thought through his words. She waited a few moments before talking.

“Lexa took me out on a date to watch _The Book of Mormon_. The whole time I was thinking _you know who would love this play? Bellamy!_ She then took me to an amazing restaurant for dinner and then brought me back home. We sat down in front of the fireplace, all comfortable when she told me she loved me. And I thought that I would feel something. Butterflies, fireworks. _Something._ You know what I felt? I felt wrong. The whole situation felt wrong. And Lexa told me that I could take my time if I wanted to before I said it back and that’s when I realized what the problem was. The words were right, the person was wrong, Bellamy. I heard the words from her but I feel them for someone else.”

Clarke stopped to take a breath.

She looked down and continued, “I really thought that Lexa might be the person who could get me to move on from you. But what I had with her only made it all the more concrete that I can never love anyone the way I love you,” she said right as she looked up, her voice wobbling towards the last three words.

Bellamy looked at her, tears threatening to fall from his eyes also, but he didn’t care about his pain, he cared about hers. He wanted to take her, wrap her in his arms and protect her from all harm.

“Yeah, you hurt me,” she continued. “Yeah, I have been in more pain these past few months than I’ve been in my whole life. But God if I didn’t think you were worth it, Bellamy, because you are. You’re worth everything,” she said with wonder in her eyes. Wonder for him. "The hurt you caused me makes me want to _rip your head off_ , but everything else you do only makes me fall harder for you.”

Bellamy broke down into sobs at that.

Clarke kneeled in front of him, took his face in her hands and smiled, tears in her eyes spilling onto her cheeks as well.

Bellamy pulled back and wrapped his arms around her shoulder and tucked his face in her neck. They held each other like that for several long moments before he pulled away, cringing at having left his tears and some snot on her neck, but she didn’t seem bothered by it. He wiped her neck with the sleeve of his t-shirt and took her face in his hands.

“I wish I could ask you to pretend that this never happened and move forward with our lives but you know that I’m not that kind of a person. I can’t pretend anymore. I’m tired of running from my feelings,” he brushed the hair off her face before taking it in his hands again, looking her with all the love he felt for her and said, “I love you, Clarke Griffin. I’m in love with you,” he finished with a smile.

Clarke grinned and placed her hands on his that were still holding her face. She leaned in to kiss him but he pulled away.

She frowned.

“Clarke, I want to do this right. And that means that I want to start from scratch. I don’t want either of us to pretend that these last few months never happened, because as much as I’d like to deny it, I’m not going to. I hurt you. Now, let me make it up to you,” he said with the gentlest of smiles.

She smiled and nodded.

“So, Clarke Griffin, will you go out on a date with me?” he asked.

She gave a water-y laugh and leaned her forehead against his and said the one word he’d been dying to hear.

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it!  
> This is as bad as the angst as its going to get.  
> It's not going to get any worse than this.  
> After this it's mostly fluff.  
> Let me know what you think in the comments. :)
> 
> PS - Two chapters in one day! Phew! Goal accomplished.


	15. Pre-Date Date (And Friends)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the date.  
> Bellamy and Clarke are distracted.

To put his mood in one sentence, Bellamy could not stop grinning. Since his morning began, the barista, his colleagues, his students, a janitor and a man who he had the good fortune of peeing next to in the men’s bathroom, all thought he was a lunatic.

He discussed the Peloponnesian War with his students…with a grin on his face. Some of his students even asked him if he was well, because he discussed what could be described as one of the darkest parts of Greek history _with a grin on his face_.

He just couldn’t stop grinning.

In his defense, he had a pretty good reason. It’s not everyday that you realize your deep, romantic and sexual feelings for you best friends, and then find out that they feel the same way.

Bellamy was happy. And he wanted people to just let him be happy, damn it!

His phone rang on his desk in his office.

Octavia.

He answered with a grin on his face, “Hello, little sister, how may I help you today?”

He could sense Octavia’s frown through the phone, “Did you get laid last night?” came her voice from the other end.

Had he not been in such a good mood, he probably would’ve snorted. “Oh, shut up, it’s such a lovely morning, don’t you think it’s a lovely morning, O?” he asked.

“Okay, you’re high,” Octavia said.

“I’m not high and I didn’t get laid. But I’m sure you didn’t call to find out the answers to those questions, so, what do you want?” Bellamy said, mildly grumpily.

“Ah, there’s my brother,” he rolled his eyes at that. “I just wanted to ask you if you had any plans this afternoon. I know that your day gets over at 12 today and your next class isn’t till 3, so you think you could make it to lunch?” Octavia asked.

“Sure, who all are coming?” he asked.

_Please, let Clarke be there. Please, let Clarke be there._

“The whole gang,” Octavia said.

“Yeah, but _who all_?” Bellamy pressed.

“Okay, you’ve gone crazy. I’m hanging up now and I will see you at our regular place at 12:30,” she said and hung up the phone.

He sighed, still content and unfazed from the turnings of his day.

He’d been asked if he was okay, if he was feeling well, given judgmental stares, called crazy, accused of being high and was under speculation for being sexually active. But Bellamy couldn’t give a flying fuck to any of them because this was the night he was going on a date with Clarke.

When he was done with his class at 12, he arranged all of his things, locked his office and went on his way to meet his friends.

He hadn’t texted Clarke. He knew he could’ve, to find out whether he’d be seeing her there or not, but he wanted to see it now, first hand; the effect he had on her.

He arrived at the diner and saw that not all of his friends had arrived. Jackson couldn’t get out of the hospital, Miller had an errand to run which he said would take a while and Murphy and Emori where gone, God knows doing what. According to Harper, she’d heard weird noises from Murphy’s apartment when she’d gone to check on them two days earlier. She didn’t dare go back there again, only texted him and Jasper was visiting his mom.

But right now, only Raven, Monty, Harper and Octavia were seated in the booth.

“Hey!” Bellamy greeted with a grin on his face.

Octavia groaned while the other three looked at him curiously. “See what I mean?” Octavia asked.

“Yeah,” Raven said slowly, “What’s up, Blake? Have a fun night?” she wiggled her eyebrows.

“No,” Bellamy groaned, “Why does everyone keep asking me that? Can’t I just be happy?”

“Given your general demeanor these last few weeks, I’m going to have to go with _no_ ,” said Monty.

“Are you okay, Bellamy?” Harper asked genuinely concerned. “Did you do drugs?” she leaned closer and asked in a whisper, looking almost scandalized.

“No!” Bellamy exclaimed. “I’m just happy,” he said and added quickly, “Enough about me. How are you, O? How was Hawaii? And where’s Lincoln?” he asked trying to drag the attention elsewhere.

“Hawaii was magical, as always,” Octavia said looking smug. “You shall see the pictures soon, Linc and I are yet to have them developed. And he’s with your girlfriend,” she said with a teasing smile on her face.

Bellamy was drinking water and choked on a sip at the word _girlfriend_.

“Whoa!” Monty exclaimed, “Relax, buddy, you know we’re only messing with you,” he winked at him.

Bellamy looked at all of them nervously and Harper sheepishly shrugged.

That’s when it hit him that Clarke and he never talked about this part. They never discussed whether they wanted to tell everyone that they were going on a date and were testing the waters or stay quiet.

Which is when another thought hit him –

_Hold on, please. Testing the waters? No, I love her. And I’m sure I want to be with her._

_There’s no need to test it from my side._

_We already get along well._

_We’re simply going to be adding sex to it._

_Worst case scenario, it’s bad, right? Big deal, we can work on that! Sex can be improved._

_Point is, whatever happens, I’m not letting Clarke go._

_Not after I already did once._

“You okay, dude?” Monty asked.

“Yeah, I’m alright,” Bellamy said turning to Octavia. “Why is Lincoln with Clarke?” he asked.

“Ooh! Someone’s possessive,” Raven teased and Octavia and Bellamy rolled their eyes.

“She’s talking to a potential artist today who wants to rent her gallery. She wanted Lincoln there with her.”

Bellamy nodded thoughtfully when the jingling of the bell drew his attention. His gaze moved to the blonde hair that was flying against the wind. His ‘grin of the day’ settled on his face and he involuntarily moved out of his seat.

 

Clarke and Lincoln were talking to an artist at her gallery. Roan was his name. For a guy who looked like him, one would’ve imagined him to be a lawyer or something – sharp eyes, high cheekbones, intimidation etched on his face permanently. Yet when he opened his mouth to speak, nothing but kind words in a rough voice came out. Lincoln liked him too. Moments like these, when he helped her selecting people for her gallery made her happy she decided to take him on board.

After they bid him goodbye, Lincoln smiled at her, “What do you think, Clarke?”

Clarke was lost in thought, a shy smile on her face. “I think that I’m grateful for my life. I mean, my friends, my mom, my job, I love all of it!”

Lincoln looked at her weirdly, “That’s good to know,” he started slowly, “But I meant what did you think of Roan? You think he’s got potential?”

Forcing herself to not be lost in what as to happen that evening, Clarke said, “Yeah, I think he does, he needs a little more finesse, I feel, though. His art his great, but it still feels like he’s holding himself back.”

 Lincoln hummed, “I agree,” he turned to look at Clarke who stood by his side.

Just then Clarke’s phone rang. It was her mom calling.

“I gotta take this,” she said to Lincoln.

“Okay, I’ll close up the office, Octavia has called us to lunch,” Lincoln reminded her.

Nodding, she answered her phone.

“Hey mom, how are you?”

_“I’m good, honey! I just wanted to check on you. We haven’t talked in almost a week.”_

“I know, I’m sorry, mom, I’ve just been swamped with a lot right now. But I’m here now,” Clarke said with a smile.

Abby chuckled. _“That’s good to hear. How is…Lexa? Is that her name? Is it short for Alexandra or something?”_

Clarke laughed, “No, mom, her given name is Lexa and, uh, we, uh, we broke up.”

_“What? When? Why? I thought you liked her!”_

“I did. But it didn’t work out,” Clarke shrugged.

_“Oh, okay. You sound alright, though. Don’t get me wrong, baby, but I thought you’d be a little sadder than this.”_

Clarke bit her lip, pondering on whether she should tell her mom about Bellamy or not.

“Well, I met someone,” she said being unable to contain her grin.

_“Wow! That was quick. Are they good to you?”_

“He – and yeah, mom, he’s amazing.”

_“Uh-huh, so how long have you been seeing_ him _?”_

“I – uh – met him a while back but we’re going out tonight.”

_“Ah, okay. Well, I hope he takes good care of you.”_

Clarke frowned a little at that.

“Yeah, listen, mom,” she said when she saw Lincoln waving at her from a distance, “I gotta go. Lunch with friends.”

_“Okay, then, bye, honey. Love you.”_

“Love you, too.”

_“Have a great night with Bellamy tonight!”_

“I wi – what?! What do you mean, mom?”

Abby started laughing. _“I’m your mother, Clarke. You sound that dreamy only when you talk about Bellamy.”_

Clarke’s face went beet red.

_I sound dreamy?_ She thought.

“Does this mean you approve?”

_“For that I’d have to meet the young man. But since you like him so much, I am happy for you, honey. Now, go and eat your lunch.”_

She shook her head fondly.

_Such a mom._

“Yeah, mom. Bye.”

 

Bellamy made his way towards Clarke, put his hands in his back pocket so that he didn’t do anything stupid with them and smiled at Clarke dazedly. He forced himself to look at Lincoln long enough to nod at him and pat him on the shoulder, receiving one from him in return.

He turned back to look at Clarke and smiled shyly at her.

“Hey, you,” he said.

“Hey, you,” she smiled.

“How’s your day been?” he asked.

“Good. Yours?” she asked.

“Good,” he said with a smile.

A lady came in the front to take their order.

“Two burgers with fries, please,” Clarke said with a smile.

“You ordering for me, Griffin? You know this doesn’t count as a date, right?” Bellamy teased.

Clarke huffed. “Please, I know everything you like and dislike and burgers are the one food you would kill for. Secondly, yeah, I know that this doesn’t count as a date but you do realize that everything we basically do, just the two of us classifies as a date?” Clarke asked with a raised brow.

Bellamy mulled over it while Clarke pulled him towards the booth where their friends were sitting.

Laughing and talking, they enjoyed their lunch. But Bellamy and Clarke made such an effort to not catch each other’s eyes, they missed the knowing looks that everyone else threw at them. 

 

As the others dispersed, Clarke offered Bellamy a ride back to his university. He accepted, obviously.

“So, what have you planned for tonight?” Clarke asked him as she drove.

Bellamy just looked at her, gave a smile and said, “It’s a surprise.”

They shared shy and soft smiles as they reached the university. Bellamy left a quick kiss on Clarke’s cheek and left in such a hurry that he missed the blush that spread through her face.

 

Bellamy was cursing himself.

He loved Clarke but he was cursing himself for not having been more prepared. She was right. They knew everything about each other. They knew each other to such an extent that he would probably laugh in the face of someone who would appear in front of him claiming they knew everything about Clarke. (Then he would proceed to roast their ass in a match to test it out, because fuck you, he was territorial. _Note: Not jealous. Territorial_ ).

Clarke loved waffles but never for breakfast. They were her pick-me-up snack. Waffles drowned in Nutella.

She had to have something on to watch while she ate.

She absolutely _hated_ when people talked during movies.

She liked walking more than running. She also hated the gym.  

She loved mixed fruit jam but hated peanut butter.

Her favorite cuisine was South-East Asian; particularly sushi (God, the woman would kill anyone who stole sushi off her plate).

Her favorite color was Rustic Orange (Bellamy pretended to know what that meant when in reality he had no clue).

Her favorite show was Parks and Recreations. She was also curious to watch Game of Thrones but didn’t want to go through the mental pain of having to wait, like she had with the BBC series Sherlock, so she was waiting for the series to get over. “I’m going to take two weeks off and live off chips while I binge watch GoT,” she’d say.

When she ate sandwiches, she ate the crust before diving into the center.

When she ate Mac and Cheese outside, she’d be the picture of proper etiquette but when she ate at home, she usually licked the plate clean, literally.

After finishing a bag of chips, she’d cleanly fold it to a smaller size.

She loved spicy food, but hated jalapeños.

She…

Bellamy’s brain kept working at a tremendous speed as he thought what he should do for her.

Knowing everything about one another ruined the element of surprise since it could be predicted.

Clarke’s Twenty-first birthday party was evidence for it.

She’d walked into her apartment to find it completely dark and had just called all of them out. “Come on guys, I know you’re all hiding. Let’s just skip the pleasantries and move on to eating,” she’d said excitedly.

_No._

_Tonight cannot be like that._

He concocted the plan and got to work.

 

Clarke’s day after lunch was weird. Octavia had left to unpack the rest of their things from their trip but Lincoln insisted on spending time with her. He kept her occupied for an incredible amount of time. They discussed Roan’s art and several other applicants who’d expressed interests in collaborating with Clarke’s gallery.

By the time she was done, it was 6:30. Lincoln looked sheepish and downright tired, but left her after that.

She had one unread message from Bellamy.

_Hey, Princess. ;)_

_Hope you’re ready for our date._

_Come home, I’m waiting._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it! 
> 
> The next chapter will be the date night. 
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments. :)


	16. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and Clarke have their date.  
> Fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Codswallop! It's been well over a month.   
> Apologies, good people.   
> But I'm back. :)

Bellamy was pacing in Clarke’s apartment waiting for her to get home. The idea sprung to him last minute and he was hoping that Clarke would like it. Technically, she couldn’t hate it; but still, Bellamy was not going to take his chances and be cocky about it.

He’d asked Lincoln to keep her distracted so that he could put it all together.

Of course, he knew that he could simply do the traditional thing and just take her out to dinner, pay the bill (as was expected) and bring her back home while the both of them pretended that they didn’t want to kiss each other.

But this was Clarke.

And this was his first date with Clarke. 

The woman he was irrevocably in love with.

The thought still caught him by surprise. He was in love with his best friend and in any minute, he’d be on his first date with said best friend. He wanted to make her feel special in the most ‘Bellamy and Clarke’ way possible. After hurting her for so long, consistently, Bellamy had promised Clarke that he’d do anything to make it up to her.

He was hell-bent on keeping that promise.

He was a few feet away from the front door; he turned to check if everything was good.

_Yeah. Everything looks good._ He checked off mentally.

A smile was creeping up on his face when he heard a sound from the other side of the front door. He quickly fixed his hair and his clothes. In the next second, the door opened and Clarke walked in, looking as beautiful as she did the first day he saw her.

Bellamy kind of lost his breath.

Clarke, on the other hand, wasn’t doing much better either.

 

Clarke didn’t know what the fuck was going on with Lincoln. She was, as it is, nervous about the date with Bellamy tonight. She hadn’t put much thought in what she was going to wear, either, because Bellamy wouldn’t give her any details.

_Oh, well, if I am under or overdressed I’ll just make Bellamy wait while I change; serves him right for not even giving that much away._ Clarke scoffed; a fond smile on her face.

When Lincoln finally let her go, she drove to her house thinking that Bellamy would be waiting for her, courtesy of his texts. She was thinking how she’d have to change anyway now, since Lincoln decided that out of all nights, tonight was the night to hold her back.

As she turned the key while she was at the door, an apology was ready at her lips when she opened the door. What she saw was definitely something she wasn’t expecting.

Bellamy Blake stood in front of her in a casual pair of light grey jeans and a navy blue polo t-shirt. If she wasn’t wrong, he looked kinds nervous. The sleeves of his t-shirt fit snugly against his biceps but she couldn’t entirely focus on them because of what he’d done with her living room.

This man, who she’d been in love with for Lord knows how long, had moved the couch slightly back to make space in the living room. He’d removed the coffee table entirely from the middle and in that empty space now were two of her dining table chairs, the other two, she reckoned were placed behind the couch, the back of the chair stuck to the back of the couch. And Bellamy had taken all her plushy blankets from the guest bedroom to make a blanket fort. Lots of pillows and cushions clearly covered the floor eloquently right in front of the couch along with his blanket (her favorite blanket) from his place and before the entire setting sat two glasses of wine and a huge bowl of popcorn.

Her jaw was dropped and her hand was closing in on her chest as if she was taken aback by the arrangement Bellamy had come up with. The whole thing was kinda cheesy and to be honest Clarke would’ve laughed had any of her friends told her that their boyfriend did something like this for the, but this was Bellamy; and she was just looking forward to spending some time with him. So, she smiled brightly at Bellamy as she took her shoes off.

 

Bellamy was still a little nervous; despite Clarke throwing him a bright smile. He was jittery because he just wanted the night to be perfect for them. He hoped that she wouldn’t find the whole thing a little over the top and something he was doing to look cute in front of her. He just wanted them to have a nice time, like they always did, only with a little more effort and romance in it.

“Hey, you look great,” he said a little breathlessly. He was really nervous. He was _really_ hoping she’d like this.

Clarke’s jaw was still dropped with a smile to accompany it. Hearing Bellamy’s words only caused her smile to go wider. She huffed a laugh and said, “Bellamy,” she took the surroundings in again, eyes shining brightly.

He smiled at her and smiled sheepishly. He then took in her appearance and suggested, “Why don’t you go and change and I’ll set up something for us to watch. Game of Thrones, maybe?”

“Oh, really? I thought I looked great,” Clarke said teasingly.

Bellamy rolled his eyes and said, “You always look great. That doesn’t mean you look entirely comfortable right now. So get,” he teased back.

Clarke smiled at him and made her way to her bedroom.

She smiled to herself while she got out of her clothes. She smiled as she went to the bathroom in her underwear to wash her face. And she kept smiling as she put on fresh clothes once she got out. She wore a light blue “Don’t Panic and Remember Your Towel” t-shirt that Bellamy had bought for her 20th birthday, honoring her favorite Sci-Fi series. She normally would’ve worn sweatpants, but she was feeling hot and she was on a date, _with Bellamy_ , so she decided to be completely comfortable and went with a pair of black shorts. Although she wasn’t expecting anything to happen tonight, to be safe, she’d mouth-washed and went to fetch a perfume that her mother had gifted to her. She fixed herself when she looked in the mirror, letting her t-shirt drop partly from her left shoulder. She re-entered the living room.

Bellamy was lying on the ground, biting his lips when Clarke came in sight and he lost his breath. She wasn’t wearing makeup, she was barefoot, she had an old pair of black shorts on and a light blue t-shirt. And she had never looked more beautiful.

He smirked when he noticed which t-shirt she was wearing.

_The color brings out her eyes. And it references her favorite book. It’s a win-win._ Bellamy had thought when he’d bought it.   

It didn’t go unnoticed by Clarke that her best friend who she was on a date with was checking her out. He rose slightly and made space for her next to him. She smiled a little wider and flopped down next to him. As they began watching Game of Thrones, she watched intently. Bellamy, on the other hand, couldn’t keep from glancing at her every once in a while. He maintained respectful distance as per customs of a date but was closer to her than he’d ever allowed himself to be when they shared such moments together. He only had an arm stretched out on the seat of the couch behind her, nothing out of the ordinary for them.

Some wine, popcorn and two episodes later, Bellamy took Clarke’s hand and pulled her up to her feet. He asked her to put on some sweatpants. Clarke frowned at the request.

_Does he not like the way I look?_

_But he was checking me out earlier._

She chewed her lower lip in worry.

Bellamy noticed.

“Relax,” he said putting comforting hands on her shoulders.  “Just go and change. You’ll want to,” he said.

Clarke went in and wore a pair of black jeans instead of sweats, a pair of light gray loafers and came back out.

Bellamy stood with a blindfold in his hands.

“Close your eyes,” he said with a comforting smile on his face.

Clarke’s eyes widened and Bellamy laughed.

“Do you trust me, Clarke?” he asked.

“Obviously,” she answered in the next breath.

She doubted the existence of a universe where she didn’t trust him. Despite the pain and hurt that he’d caused her, Bellamy Blake was one of the most reliable, trustworthy people that Clarke had known in her entire life. He was flawed, sure, but he wouldn’t betray a person’s trust, ever.

Bellamy stretched the arm that held the blindfold and Clarke closed her eyes.

She stood, physically patient, but mentally racking her brain as to what could possibly call for something this secretive, while he covered her eyes. Once he was done, he said, “I’m going to lift you now.”

She felt her cheeks redden and hoped that Bellamy wouldn’t notice.

Bellamy noticed.

He lifted her, cradling her in his arms, and whispered in her ear, “You like it when I lift you, Princess?” he teased.

Clarke’s already red face went vermilion and she heard Bellamy laugh. Had the blindfold not been there, Bellamy would’ve seen Clarke roll her eyes.

He walked for a good while, her foot hit something cold once but Bellamy was careful not to let that happen again.

Bellamy was breathing heavily and by the time he put her back on the ground, he was panting.

She didn’t remove the blindfold, thinking that if she were supposed to, Bellamy would’ve instructed her. He’d gone to such lengths to do something for her; it was only fair that she extend him the courtesy.

She heard Bellamy’s breathing return to heavy breathing again when she felt his hands untying the knot of the blindfold.

“Keep your eyes closed,” he said.

Her eyes were free from the confines of the cloth but were still closed.

She thought she heard him whisper to himself _here goes nothing_.

He turned her to a direction and said, “Okay, you can open them.”

Clarke opened her eyes and saw that they were in the terrace of her building. There was a table covered by a plain white cloth and two chairs; two plates, two glasses on it and serviettes were placed on the table.

“Stay here, I’ll be right back,” Bellamy said hastily and ran out of there.

Clarke stood exactly where she was, still dumbstruck with the preparations in front of her. She finally retrieved her dropped jaw and finally let the moment consume her like a tall glass of drink. She let herself drown in the moment and let herself feel the bliss of the cool breeze enveloping her hair. She heard footsteps and in no time, Bellamy was back, with a large dish in a hand covered in a mitten and their bottle of wine in another. He placed them both on the table and removed the mitt. He unconsciously wiped his hands against his jeans, seemingly tensed.

Bellamy was inwardly hoping that Clarke would like what he’d come up with. He was so busy worrying that he missed the completely awestruck look on Clarke’s face as she stared at him.

“Uh,” he started, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, “It’s not a lot, just some Mac and Cheese,” he said. “It’s from that place you like so much, I just added a little nutmeg to it and I know that this isn’t much, and if you don’t like it,” he trailed off.

All the while Bellamy was rambling, Clarke only looked at him like she’d always looked at him. She looked at him like he held the peace of her mind and the safety of her heart. She didn’t hear his words; only let the already enveloping emotions carry her legs forward towards him.

Just like that, she took his face in her hands and planted her lips firmly against his. She let the kiss tell him everything words couldn’t possibly convey in that moment. She moved her lips against his and poured all her emotions into it; all the emotions she’d ever felt for him, starting from the anger she’d felt the first day they’d met, the respect she’d felt when she learnt of his relationship with Octavia to the last drop of love she felt and had been feeling for him since she realized she loved this man with all her being.

Bellamy froze when he felt Clarke’s lips against his. As his mind caught up to what was going on, it automatically shut down and let his heart take control instead. His arms went around her waist and wrapped her in him. He pulled her closer and let himself feel, for the moment, forgetting that it was their date; just letting himself be surrounded by the love he felt radiating off Clarke.

Gradually they pulled away from each other, before Clarke pulled his face gently closer to plant one soft, chaste kiss against his lips and let go.

She smiled, “It’s perfect,” she said.

Just like that Bellamy felt all nervousness leave his body and he moved to pull a chair for her.

They talked about everything and nothing at all. They talked when words were necessary to be exchanged and enjoyed the silence when it lingered.

Both of them felt lighter and happier than they had in years.

Clarke was telling him about Roan and the gallery excitedly while Bellamy kept looking at her, but at the same time was looking past her, into her soul.

When she finished, Bellamy softly spoke, “Your dad would be proud of you,” he took her hand in his. “Not everyone learns to love their lives or themselves after they experience loss, at least not completely. Most just adjust, make it seem like they’ve moved on, but you didn’t. You embraced it. Your father would be happy to see that you’re as strong as he thought you were. And it makes me so happy that you found happiness in art,” he said.

Clarke smiled at him brightly. She was pre-med when she’d met Bellamy, and decided that she wanted to finish her degree but not pursue medicine. After her mother told her that Jake had left his gallery for Clarke in his will, she happily finished her pre-med before taking the responsibility of the art gallery full-time.

The gallery was her safe haven and creating art kept her sane. But it was Bellamy that offered her peace. Even when they were friends, Clarke noticed that she never felt like she could be wholly, unabashedly and unapologetically be herself like she could with Bellamy. Her circle of friends had come very, very close, but Bellamy had seen her soul naked. He had seen in her in good times and in bad, and loved her nonetheless.

Bellamy’s words touched Clarke but also made her think that the boy she was in love with was stupid if he didn’t see that he was a huge reason as to why she was able to get to where she was. Instead of voicing it, she simply smiled, tightened her hold on his hand and spoke, looking deep into his eyes, “I really did.”

And the way she looked at him, Bellamy knew that she was saying that she found happiness in him.    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it. :)  
> Let me know what you think in the comments. :)


	17. With You All the Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read on folks!

Two weeks after their spectacularly ordinary date which somehow was perfect for both of them, Clarke was busy working on the after effects of the gallery that she’d held.

As Lincoln had predicted, the display was a hit and as Clarke had suspected, everyone simply loved Roan’s work. His abstract art pieces were the most to have been sold. Roan even found a critic who wasn’t cynical for a change and actually gave him constructive criticism, instead of being biased like so many people had been to him in the past.

Apparently, having long hair for a man in the field of art was not ‘posh’ enough and took his elegance away. Little did people know, that it was his lack of elegance that made Clarke take him on board.

So many people described their abstract art as something soothing or equating it to finding peace even when one is lost. But Roan used strong words and phraseology to express his art. He would equate his art to the Sun burning your skin or the first bite into a rare steak. His comparisons were unconventional, to say the least, but it was also what made him stand out because while other artists used imagination, Roan tried to make the experience of art itself as relatable as possible; making it accessible while being mysterious.

Nevertheless, it had led to Roan’s friendship with the gallery.

What no one had noticed though, was how much Clarke had exerted herself into working for the gallery that she’d forgotten to feed herself every now and then.

Which is how she reached where she was.

 

“Huh? What?” Clarke mumbled as she regained consciousness.

“Thank God, you scared the crap out of me,” she heard Lincoln’s voice at a distance. “Don’t worry, I’ve called everyone but I’m still gonna assume that your boyfriend will arrive first.”

Boyfriend?

Oh yeah, she had a boyfriend.

His name’s Bellamy Blake.

If she’s not wrong.

“Water,” she croaked out.

“With how well you’ve been taking care of yourself, I almost don’t want to give you anything just to help you realize its value,” Lincoln mumbled as he brought the glass of water with a straw near Clarke’s mouth.

After taking a few gulps of water, Clarke felt better but she was still so tired. What was going on with her? Which is when she sat up with Lincoln’s help and noticed the cast on her leg.

“What happened to me?” Clarke asked.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” Lincoln deflected.

“Oh God, Lincoln relax. I don’t have amnesia, I remember that we were in the gallery, now tell me, what actually happened?” Clarke asked.

Before Lincoln could answer, the doctor walked in, Bellamy in tow.

“Hello, Ms Griffin. How are we feeling?” the doctor greeted.

Clarke cleared her throat, “Alright, I suppose, but I would love to know what exactly happened to me, please.”

In the meantime, Bellamy walked over to Clarke’s side and took hold of her hand that didn’t have an IV.

“Well, what basically happened to you, Ms Griffin is that you had a low blood pressure which caused you to faint in your workplace, which your coworker told me about. And the way you fell, you sprained your ligament in your knee,” the doctor informed Clarke.

“Dammit,” Clarke said pushing her head back into the pillow behind her, “I sprained my ACL?”

“You sprained your ACL,” the doctor replied looking contrite. “We are still running some tests to make sure that the initial diagnosis is all that we need to worry about and nothing else is going on, but for now, I recommend you take rest. Lots of it. And fluids, lots of those too.”

“Okay, and if everything on the test comes back normal?” Bellamy asked, tightening his hold on Clarke’s hand.

The doctor smiled, “Then you will be discharged. You can go home.”

Bellamy, Clarke and Lincoln thanked the doctor before he left.

Bellamy looked at Clarke softly, took the hand he was holding and brought it up to his lips to kiss it gently.

Just then, the door burst open and in walked the rest of the gang. A chaos of ‘Oh, my God, Clarke!’ and ‘What the hell happened to you’ and ‘Hey! Now we both have a sprained ACL’ took over the place.

Raven and Octavia, the little sweethearts that they were smuggled some chocolates for Clarke.

Emori brought her some homemade food.

Nathan brought her some flowers, like the gentleman that he was.

Monty and Jackson bombarded her with questions like ‘Is it gonna scar?’ with wide eyes.

Murphy just looked at her injury and said, “Dope.”

Through it all, Bellamy kept hold of her hand and answered some of the questions that everyone threw Clarke’s way.

 

The next day, the doctor visited Clarke again and told her that everything was normal and it was just a drop in her blood pressure that caused her to lose consciousness. Of course she was instructed to eat actual food no matter how much a project stressed her out. Bellamy and Lincoln both promised to make sure nothing as such happened again.

When the doctor was about to leave, Bellamy volunteered to walk him out, leaving Lincoln behind to properly reprimand Clarke now, in the wake of her strength returning. But Clarke’s eyes remained on the man she loved so much who was busy memorizing everything the doctor was telling Clarke should do.

In that moment, Clarke could only think that while she was injured, which sucked; she had a damn good boyfriend. She’d never felt luckier.

 

“Clarke, I’m freaking out,” Bellamy said running a hand roughly through his curly mess of a hair, rendering it even messier.

“Really? I couldn’t have guessed,” said Clarke turning a page of the book she was reading, perched on her couch in a comfortable position, her glasses sitting on her nose, her legs stretched out on the coffee table in front of her, a cushion supporting the injured leg.

A few days after being discharged from the hospital, Bellamy suggested that Clarke stay with him till her cast came off.

She immediately agreed.

Bellamy was one of the people at his workplace being considered for a promotion. He was going to be given a demo class to teach to see whether he could handle it. The class was going to take place in two hours, which is why Bellamy was freaking out.

Clarke knew that Bellamy had a lot of potential but sometimes he needed to get out of his own head.

Usually, sex worked.

_This time though._ Clarke sighed as she thought.

“Seriously?” Bellamy asked with a deadpanned expression on his face.

“Well? What do you want me to do? Food didn’t work, sex didn’t work and distracting you with Mario Kart didn’t work either! I mean, you lost to Lincoln, a man who’s only played once or twice before. What can I do that will make you feel better?” Clarke asked frustrated.

Bellamy kept silent.

“Look,” Clarke sighed and continued, “Do you know if you’ll get this promotion for sure? No, you don’t. Does that mean that you’re somehow a failure? No, it doesn’t. Would it mean that no one will ever offer you a promotion again? No. It. Doesn’t. So, stop freaking out. You’re ready, I know you are.”

Bellamy looked better already.

“Besides, if you get the promotion, you’ll be getting celebratory sex with me and if you don’t, you’ll be getting ‘don’t worry about not getting the promotion’ food _and_ sex with me. As far as I can see, that’s a win-win, I mean I don’t even know what you’re so worried about,” Clarke teased nonchalantly.

Bellamy’s face broke into a smile. Clarke returned that smile.

“My point is, that life is unpredictable," Clarke said softly, a gentle look on her face, "But no matter what, you’ll always have me by your side,” she finished.

“Always?” Bellamy teased, toying with the implications of the promise.

“Always,” Clarke replied knowing exactly what she promising him for.

Bellamy grinned and looked down at his shoes as a blush bloomed on his face.

“Well, sex for not getting the promotion does sound great,” Bellamy said as he walked to where Clarke was sitting. Her face automatically tilted up as he leaned down and they shared a soft kiss.

“I’ll see you in a few,” Bellamy said and left.

 

Of course, he got the promotion.

And of course, they kept the promise they’d made that night to each other six months later, when they tied the knot in front of all their friends and family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gahh!! This is it!!  
> If you want the expansion of any specific part of the story, do let me know and I'll add those in a part series.  
> Thanks to all those who've spared their time in reading this.  
> As always, let me know what you think in the comments! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy it!


End file.
